Have Courage and Be Kind

Growing up, I was a child that legitimately liked everything. I liked every type of toy, and believed that they all needed to be played with because, well, toy equality. Since my dad was a huge Star Wars and superhero nerd, I grew up playing with Star Wars action figures (my favorite were the Ewoks) and X-Men figurines while rocking my Spiderman pajamas and C3-PO slippers. Now while I was a total tomboy in some aspects, I was still a little girl, which meant one thing: princesses, princesses everywhere. More specifically, Disney princesses. So as a twenty-year-old woman, you have to understand my joy with all of the new live-action Disney princess movies. While I'm anxiously awaiting Beauty and the Beast (commence girlish giggling), for this blogpost I want to focus on two things: the newest Cinderella movie and our current political state as a country. But before we do that, I want to give a disclaimer: I do not approve of either Trump or Hillary when it comes to their character quality. I did not vote for either of them. This being said, I am not going to write from a perspective that supports one or both of them. This is going to come from a neutral perspective, so don't panic and stay tuned.

The main line or "phrase" in the new, live-action Cinderella move is this:

"Have courage and be kind."

Now go on, read it again:

"Have courage and be kind."

I love that line, don't you? It's plain, it's simple, and it's straight forward. Above all, I believe its exactly what we as people - whether we are young or old, male or female, Christian or non-Christian, Democrat or Republican or even unlabeled - need to focus on. We need to have courage. We need to be kind. But lately, what with Trump being elected as our next president, I have not seen much courage, and I have not seen much kindness. In fact, I have seen the opposite. I have seen fear, anxiety and worry, and cruelty, meanness and viciousness. I go onto social media and am immediately disheartened; we do not have courage and we are not being kind.

One of my favorite things to tell my boyfriend (God bless his patient soul) is that I do not believe the opposite of love is hate. I believe that the opposite of love, is in fact, fear. The opposite of love is fear. Now we can switch this around by saying that the opposite of fear is then therefore, love. 1 John 4:18 says, "Therefore there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." How can we have courage and love and kindness, if all we show is fear?

I have watched our country dramatically change within the last few years. I have watched us choose to love people regardless of their pasts, their religion, the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, their mistakes, their personal views and so much more. We were united. We were courageous, loving and kind. Our kindness was a priority, and so was our courage to stand up for one another. And suddenly, over the last 72 hours, I watched us completely fall apart. In a couple of hours, I watched our country shed our courage, kindness and love and instead replace it with fear, anger and cruelty. How did we allow ourselves, regardless of our views, to fall apart and become so vicious? We had come so far, only to lose it at the sight of one person plastered across our TV and cellphone screens. Why are we losing our courage and kindness so fast?

I have been on social media since the election and I have seen such a lack of courage and kindness, and I have watched us revert back as a country. In such a short time frame I watched us take one step forward and nine steps back. What was making our country so great was our courage, our kindness, and our love, but we are losing that. And it is breaking my heart because we are so much greater than that, and because we are called to greater things than this.

Psalm 31:24 says, "Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord." Did you know that the Bible says "fear not" and phrases similar to that 365 times? Every single day we could read a verse about fear, and yet, here we are, focusing more on fear than on love, and we are driving wedges between each other. Our battle is not with each other, nor is it with Trump. Our battle is with our lack of love and our lack of kindness and courage. Our battle is with our overwhelming sense of fear that Satan wants us to reside in. By acting out of fear and anger and lack of love, we are becoming the very thing we detest. We are becoming the opposite of what we want to be, of what we have striven to become.

Ephesians 4:31-32 says, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." As Christians we are called to be kind. As human beings in general, we should continually choose kindness. When we decide to go against kindness, we gain nothing. When we block, unfriend, and create arguments among one another, whether online or in person, we allow anger and hate to blossom. Those are not Christian characteristics, and those are not traits of Americans.

I urge you, have courage and be kind. Do not become the very thing you hate. We are the UNITED States of America! We are supposed to be united, not divided. No matter who our president is, or what we would have chosen for our country, we still need to be kind, have courage and show love. That is where our power is. That is where our wisdom is. And that is where our voice will be heard.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." - 1 Peter 4:8

Why I Don't Want To Be The Strong One, But Why I Have To Be

 

 

I am the first person to tell you that I am not a fan of relationships, especially when they're talked about in books or movies or articles regarding godly relationships. To be honest, it kind of majorly drives me up the wall. When I go to the bookstore, all I want to find is a cool Theology or Apologetics book for the millennial generation (my generation). But what I find instead, is a plethora of never ending dating and marriage books. Don't get me wrong, I think we need books on marriage and dating with a Christian perspective to help us navigate relationships and how we can honor God in these said relationships. But I am completely and totally exhausted with seeing only dating books every which way that I turn. And there are many reasons why.

I haven't had a boyfriend for the last four years. Some people call me picky and say my standards are too high for any guy to ever amount to. Others say dating is just something fun to do and it doesn't need to be taken seriously, and that I should lighten up. Others say I just haven't put myself out there because I'm being too snobbish. What they don't know, is that they are all wrong. I haven't had a boyfriend because I'm picky, take dating too seriously, or am a snob. I haven't had a boyfriend in four years because my mind and soul and heart doesn't physically have the strength to battle the Enemy and fight for my purity and the man I'm with. I have already fought too many battles, and I am wounded; weakened; exhausted; discouraged. I have had a grand total of four boyfriends, and a lot of almost but not quite boyfriends. I'm not telling you this so you can laugh or be shocked or surprised; I'm telling you so you can understand where I'm coming from. So you can understand that the battles are hard to win and easy to give in to, and leave you feeling bruised, broken and depressed. Because in every relationship I've ever been in, no matter how good the guy is, I have always had to be the strong one. I have had to fight my own battles, as well as try to shield him from his own demons.

I have to be the strong one, but I don't want to be. 

Winston Churchill once wrote, "The price of greatness is responsibility." Boy was he ever right. To be great, to have a great relationship and find a great guy and be successful, you have to first be responsible. I have to be responsible. But I don't want to be. I have to be because I have to protect myself. I put on the full armor of Christ, but I can't just defend myself. Suddenly I have to protect myself, but also protect him, because his strength isn't strong enough, and this leaves him weak, and exposed. And I have to be the bridge between his sins and desires and the Lord's unending love and grace.

I don't want to be the strong one, but I have to be.

Because now my purity and his purity rests on my shoulders, and I hold the ability to make or break our relationship and thirty seconds of bad behavior can change our lives forever. And for what? Sexual tension and a damaged conscience? So statistically we can break up and go sleep with about five other people before we're married to other people and settle down? 

I don't want to be the strong one, but I have to be.

Because I am Sam, and he is Frodo, and I have to carry him up Mount Doom and help him battle his own demons and desires and throw the ring into the fire. Because I can't take the ring up myself, but I have to carry him so that we don't fail and lose ourselves for momentary fun and a lifetime of pain and regret. I don't want to be the strong one, but I have to be. I have to be the warrior and battle the Enemy and cry out to Jesus to give me strength and courage and readiness to fight this battle for the both of us. And I am beaten down and bruised and broken and afraid because with every day that goes on, all I can do is wonder if tomorrow will be the day that the battle beats me.

I am exhausted. Delusional. Tired and distraught and fearful of what will happen next. So I wrap myself in a cocoon of God's perfect love and strength and hide under His arms, preparing once again when the time comes for me to fight this battle of impurity once more. Because if I am America and that was World War I, then I have more wars to fight down the road. So I need to rest and draw strength from the Lord, so that I may pick up my sword and shield again and again and fight for purity and righteousness for both myself and the boy I'm with.

"From the ashes a fire shall be woken," - Tolkien. I am a pile of ashes, but God will light a fire within me, because my time for battle will once again approach, and I have to be ready. I will rise like a phoenix and be reborn again, renewed with strength and courage and tenacity to once again battle for our souls, using the Father as my sword and shield.

 

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. The LORD is the strength of his people; he is the saving refuge of his anointed."  - Psalm 28:7-8

I don't want to be the strong one, but I have to be. Because in this moment, with me, my future boyfriend most likely doesn't have the strength to put the brakes on when we're caught up in the moment. It's up to me. I'm weary. I am burdened with both mine and his purity. Because as much as I am tired of being the strong one and wish someone else would have the job of keeping our purity safe, I know I must do what needs to be done.

Realistically, the man I marry will have already slept with another girl before me; maybe even more than one girl. And I will sit, as his girlfriend or wife, and wish the girls he had been with before had had the strength to guard both her purity and his. So whether boyfriend number five becomes a spouse or not, either I will thank myself and God for keeping me strong, or his wife will thank me down the road. I may never meet her. I may never even know her name. But I would rather be one less notch on a belt of sexuality than a new notch before she settles him down.

If you're reading this and you're a girl, please, just stop. Put the brakes on. Say no. Keep yourself but also him safe from sin. Because unfortunately you're Batman in a sea of Jokers, and he's Gotham, and it's your job to protect him, whether or not you marry him. It's not your job to steal what should be another girl's.

If you're reading this and you're a guy, please, just calm your face. Look at yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself to calm the hell down. Because as much as you want to be with her, she is trying her hardest to save you and save herself from further hardship. So don't ask her for more. Don't let your hands slip. Keep your mind focused. Because she is worth more than a mistake in a string of boyfriends and you need to respect that. Don't push the envelope, because that's not your job. Your job is to protect her. As much as she is trying to protect you, you need to see her as courageous, brave, and self-sacrificing. Because she's risking her own heart and feelings to keep the both of you pure. So if you're a dude and reading this, please don't make her fight this battle alone. Luna Lovegood said, "Because if it's just you alone you're not as much of a threat." She is fighting by herself, but it takes two to tango. It takes a set of partners to catch a bad guy. So instead of aiding the Enemy, aid her. Risk your own wants and needs and do what God desires of you. Respect her. Keep her safe. Aid her in this battle, because two is better than one, and she would do anything for your help.

I don't want to be the strong one, but I have to be. And that's okay. It's hard. It's a long fight, and it's one of those battles where the Enemy keeps trying to chip away at you. But it's not impossible. We are survivors. We are strong, empowered by the bravery and sacrifice of the Lord.