Dancing Through the Storm

I'm 100% sure that finding out exactly what you least want to know is a terrible way to spend your morning. Actually, I'm 100% sure that finding out exactly what you least want to know is a terrible way to spend your once lovely morning. I  mean, things were going so good and why does something that seems os good have to be ruined by something so not good? At first it seems surreal, and you silently ask yourself: "Is this real?" "Is this really happening?" and then you kind of feel like you need fresh air and that suddenly everything is pressing in too close and this feeling of claustrophobia washes over you. And then your once wonderful morning seems like a terrible morning and you're pretty sure that you just want to go home...and crawl under a blanket...and sleep forever...and ever...and ever. So then you have this sinking feeling in your belly and everything seems dream-like and you start asking, "Why God? Why after I have been praying about this for months would you take away the one thing that I wanted most? The one thing that I actually asked for, why would you take it away?" If you find yourself asking those same questions and having the same feelings...welcome to the club. Something similar happened to me like that, and I felt like a deflated balloon afterwards. I was hurt and upset and really, could my morning have gotten any worse than having my hopes crushed and my prayers thrown back at me like yesterday's leftovers? It felt like my sunny days had suddenly turned stormy and my happiness was beginning to get stolen away.

At the beginning of my emotional turmoil, I really did feel like my whole world was beginning to crash down around me. But why? I was doing so well and doing so good with God and then all of a sudden it seemed like things just weren't going the right way they should be. As soon as I was pretty sure that I wanted to just plop myself down and grovel in my misery (it's okay if you think it's pathetic, because trust me, it was!), the Lord's Prayer popped spectacularly in my head. I said it over in my mind, repeating the words: "Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen."(Matthew 6:9-13) My mind got stuck on the line: "thy will be done in earth" and it felt like an arrow to the chest. After all my praying and focusing on God, as soon as things weren't going the way I thought I saw fit, I began to give up on Him. His will, no matter what I think or want, will be done. 

With things not going the way I wanted them to go, I was suddenly blaming God. But why should I blame Him when He only has my best interest? Why should I get upset and want to have a pity party, when God is doing something wonderful and I just can't see the whole picture? I was so blinded by my wants and by my own emotion that I didn't immediately run to the idea that God had bigger and even better plans for me than the ones I was already trying to make for myself. He knows the plans He has for me, and He knows the desires of my heart and the things that I long for. After thinking over the rather...exciting?...experience that I went through that morning, I finally realized that I do want a lot of things, and while the door may seem like it is closing, I need to trust God with whatever my future may hold.

In the storm, when the rain seems to be crashing down around you and the thunder is rumbling throughout your land and the lightning is threatening to kill you, do not stand there and wait for the worst to happen. Dance through the storm and praise the Lord in the rain! Hardships will always come our way, for we are in a constant battle. Yes, sometimes we can feel the pain and confusion reverberating through our entire body, but do not let it slow you down, do not let the enemy take you! If you have been walking upright in the Lord and fall when something bad happens, then praise Him on your knees! If one door closes and you are waiting for the other to open, then praise Him in the hallway! If you lose a family member, praise Him. If a relationship ends, praise Him. If your prayers don't get answered and He closes doors, praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him in the storm and praise Him on the sunny days.

I guess I started this story saying how things don't always go the way we plan them. And sometimes we have to go through a little suffering to push through the battle. We are warriors and we need to arm ourselves with the full Armor of God and not let satan push us around like some little, weak rag doll. We have God on our side! We have angels guarding us! We must praise Him always, no matter what circumstance. We must not allow satan to trick us into pulling ourselves away from God, because where's the wisdom and happiness in that? Stand strong and put up your shield and praise Him upon the battle ground.

"A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so that you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body of armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere." Ephesians 6:10-19

Scared Stiff

Fear. It's crippling. It's that feeling you get when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, alerting you to some evil lurking beneath your very nose. It's that feeling you get when you're walking through a dark house and you feel a pair of sinister eyes resting upon you. You feel it every day. You have a fear of getting into a car accident, of being taken, of losing a job, of losing a person. We all have these fears. And while there are some fears that ought to be feared, there are some that we are foolish towards. Sometimes we fear the dumbest thing...the most irrational thing, but it feels so heart-wrenching and threatening that we can't help but fear it. The thing we fear? The voice of God.

Isn't it crazy that the one being that cares more about us than anyone else, that houses more love for us than an entire world of love, we fear when He speaks to us? I'm not talking about fearing God (for we should fear disappointing him), I'm talking about fearing how He convicts us and orders us. Isn't it crazy, that we push back when God orders us to do something, but when we want Him to do something for us, then suddenly He's our best friend?

I won't ever deny that I had irrational fears about what God was saying. In fact, I have irrational fears all the time. My most recent fear was pertaining to singing for worship band. I know, I know...why should someone be afraid of singing? If you would've asked me a few months ago, I'm sure I could've given you a whole slew of answers...or excuses. Now, back to my story! When I was in the seventh or eighth grade, I sang a song for a talent show, surprising a lot of people since I was still new to the youth group and such (don't ask me where I got the courage to do so, because I'm still not sure). My youth pastor encouraged me to join the youth band, and I politely declined, saying that worship band just wasn't my thing. In high school, I was once again prodded to join the worship band. And, if you hadn't already suspected, I once again, declined. Seeing a pattern here? Because I was asked again, a couple times more, and with each passing time, I said no. Then, one day, as I was doing my devotions, I was praying and I realized that I had been going against God's will... I had been ignoring what God was saying and was having an irrational fear about joining worship band. He had been prodding me and giving me opportunities to serve Him and worship Him, and each time I threw them back in His face because I was letting my own fear rule my judgement. Who am I, that I should argue against the Lord and allow satan to pour fear into my life?

That sounds like a pretty awful story, doesn't it? Yes, I would agree! But, it gets better, because of the good grace of God. About a month ago, the head of the youth group worship band asked me if I would in any way, be willing to join. I'm pretty sure that I was under the influence of the Lord, or He took over my ability to speak, because I answered without hesitating, saying, "Yes" like that had been my hope and dream for years and years. Honestly, I shocked myself when the word escaped my lips. So, right then began the journey of singing for worship band. That night, I went home and told my parents about it (to which they were much delighted), and it didn't really hit me that I was going to sing for worship band till I was half delirious with sleep, and then I realized: I am singing for worship band...have I done something crazy?!

Have you ever had that before? Have you ever had God pushing and pulling at you, trying to get you to do something out of your comfort zone, but you say no because you are afraid? Because you are scared stiff? Sometimes God tells you to go across the world and serve Him in a different country, and sometimes God just tells you to go and talk to the new person at church or school, and perhaps, all He tells you, is to go up and praise Him. Whatever God is telling you, I say to you now, go and do what He asks - go and do what He orders! Do not fear what God is urging you to do, because He knows exactly what His plans for you are. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Did you just read that properly?! You know what it says?! It says that God will tell you what He wants you to do, but in the end, He will "give you the future you hope for". So why do you fear God's plans for you when His utmost plan is to give you a bright future?

I was terrified to join worship band... I was, dare I say it, scared stiff. It was pretty much my worst fear to get out in front of everyone and sing. My worst fear. If God has called you to do something that you're afraid of, do not lose the opportunity to worship Him and exalt Him and change lives in His glory... jump in headfirst! Do not be afraid, for God will walk beside you every step of the way. Pray for Him to shake up your world, and pray that He would help give you a courageous heart.

"Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and take courage, for God knows the plans He has for you, and He won't let you down or leave you. If you ever feel like God is leading you towards something you're scared stiff to do, all the more reason why you should do it. Be strong and courageous, be strong and courageous, be strong and courageous.

P.S. I thought I would tell you that in the end, I ended up singing for worship band, and it was the best choice of my entire life, and it was a joy, to get to serve the Lord through song. Praise Jesus!