Addicted

Well, it's nice to finally meet you.

I've been waiting for your call.

I've noticed you've been crying,

And, I've watched you pace the halls.

Whatever has been hurting you,

I can make it disappear.

You know you have nothing to lose, 

Nothing to live for, nothing to fear.

Thank you, for your invention.

I'll be sure not to leave your side.

We'll become very fast acquainted.

My naive child, there's no use trying to hide.

I should probably introduce myself.

I am your very own addiction.

But, you cannot be angry with me.

I am your own self-conviction.

I bet you feel rather stupid,

Falling right into my lap.

I'm a master at manipulation.

You'll never escape my trap.

How does it feel to dance with the devil?

For he and I are one in the same.

You think God has completely abandoned you,

So, you might as well stay in the game.

Are you honestly going to try and beat me?

A useless battle if you want to know.

Go ahead and make an attempt.

Besides, I'm in the mood for a good show.

I guess, you think your special.

But, your sobriety has only lasted a year.

I'm still around every corner,

In the back of your mind

I'm your greatest fear.

I'll always be your dirty little secret.

I won't disappear over time.

Twenty years from now you may falter,

And, I'll be the first thing that comes to mind.

A vicious cycle, that’s what your thinking,

But, I'm only speaking the truth.

I'm satan's weapon of mass destruction.

The silent killer of America's youth.

It's genius when you think of it.

Everyone's looking for satan's war.

But, what the fools don't realize,

Is everyday satan walks through their front door

"The Voice of Addiction" by Carrie Roush

That poem seems kind of depressing sometimes, doesn't it? I can tell you in utter and complete honesty I have read it about a dozen times in only the past few minutes. Want to know how I stumbled upon it? Well of course you do, that's half the adventure! I stumbled upon that poem when I had a very interesting revelation and conviction of my own. Over the past week, I have been staying with a bunch of friends, and I must say it has been a blast, but it's also changed my life and made me recognize things. During that week, all I did was write and play Bioshock (because what else is a girl gonna do with her free time?!) and listen to music. That's all I did. From nine thirty in the morning to two in the morning, the only thing I did was write, with a little bit of Bioshock thrown in here and there. I looked up that poem, because I was beginning to notice that I was getting intensely focused upon my writing.

For all of my dear readers and friends that don't know, my favorite thing to do is write. I write everything, from prayers to journal entries to stories to just random little rhymes that come up in my head upon a whim. Writing is my life. I do it first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Oh yeah, and I basically do it all the time! While writing is my passion (and the greatest thing of all time!), sometimes I can get a little insane with it. I don't mean to say that I suddenly start writing bizarre things, I mean to say that sometimes writing comes before other, more important things. Sometimes writing becomes my idol.

In other words, writing becomes my own personal form of heroine - my addiction.

As I look at life, I can't help but notice how many different forms of idolization there are. Too many to count, I can assure you. Do you struggle with idols? Because I sure do. Perhaps you struggle with idolizing sports ("But sports are my outlet!", you say) or you idolize your family or spouse ("My family is my family - idolizing them and my spouse isn't possible; besides, it's a noble thing to want to take care of them." you add), or maybe you idolize your hobbies (for example, I tend to idolize writing) or people or food; perhaps you idolize TV, texting, Facebook, your email or your job. And maybe, you idolize sex, drugs, and alcohol. There are too many things to count; too many idolizing lusts to keep track of. But I can tell you (even if I don't know you), that you most definitely do have an idol. Think I'm wrong? Well guess what! I believe every single person on earth has an idol, even if the idol is a noble thing, such as being brave or taking care of one's family. 

What is an "idol" you ask? I'm glad you asked! An "idol" is whatever can cause you to pick something before and over God. For example, this past week I was choosing to write over seriously doing my devotionals. I just did a little here and a little there, instead of fully investing my time into God. I was giving in to my addiction. Have you figured out what your idol is? Chances are it could be staring you right in the face, which in a way, is sort of sad to imagine. It's almost too easy to find an idol - or six.

If you know what your idol is, what your addiction is, then I really only have one piece of advice to give to you: abandon it. That's right, abandon it. Instead of turning all your time to your addiction, turn it to God, where your time should be devoted. We have so little time on this earth, and knowing that we spent it purely on petty things feels like a slap in the face. So if you have an idol, turn your attention away from the idol and focus it on God, because that's where it should be. Your eyes shouldn't be on your addiction, but on the Creator - the one that gave you hope and love and passion and courage. For some reason we, as humans, focus all of our attention on the beautiful creation around us and the things that this world provides, when really, we're missing out on gazing upon the Creator and getting to spend time with Him. Good gracious, if my dad walked into a room I wouldn't just gaze upon his shirt - I'd gaze upon him, because he's my dad, and just looking at his shirt is ridiculous. It's the same way with idols and addictions. We spend all of our time looking at these objects, instead of looking at the greater picture.

The bible says,

"And all this because they traded the true God for a fake god, and worshiped the god they made instead of the God who made them—the God we bless, the God who blesses us. Oh, yes!" Romans 1:25

In our addictions and idols, we trade our true God for a fake God, one that satan uses to drive us away from God and the absolute awesomeness He hones. Basically what I'm saying, is to cast your idols back and instead draw closer to God. Put Him first, instead of things that might not mean anything in the next couple of years. You know what also happens when you put God first instead of your addictions? A sense of freedom. You are cut loose from satan's noose, and put into a world where people walk free. Don't take that for granted and mistake satan's slavery from Jesus' freedom.

I told you that I had an "addiction" to writing. And I most definitely do. But you know what? When I realized that I did, I was in the middle of writing a story I had been working on nonstop for days. Guess what the first thing I did was? Put down my story, pick up my bible and go in for a long read and spend some time in prayer. I can tell you with the most passion I can muster, that that was much more worth it, then working on a story. Talk about freedom.

I used to imagine it was hard to be free

That hopelessness and wandering were all You had for me

I had these addictions.

I had these convictions.

I had these idols, that whispered in my ear.

I used to listen; I could always hear.

But then one day, things changed. 

I grew up; You rearranged.

You tore down my chains.

Took away all of these pains.

I had been trapped and torn.

Full of wounds and all but worn.

I had these addictions.

I had these convictions.

But You came and rescued me.

I am no longer bound; I am completely and totally

FREE