Crushing, Yelling, Forgetting

Sundays. They are some of my favorite days that house my most dear memories. Now that I really look back on it, my most special memories happened on a Sunday. Isn't it funny how those things work? Yet, while Sundays are fun, sometimes they are also incredibly crazy, whether it be good or bad crazy.

Allow me to paint my Sunday life for you. It consists of me waking up early Sunday morning and rolling out of bed to prepare myself for church. I then walk to the bathroom and spend the majority of my morning getting ready for church with my dear sweet sister. Everything is going great...until it comes time for us to leave. Suddenly the house is a wreck, someone can't find their shoes, we can't find the keys and oh goodness does somebody need to brush their teeth! And hence, the yelling. Me and my lovely siblings spend our Sunday morning arguing and yelling at each other. That, is my first example of my lack of self control. I could be patient and wake up earlier to prevent the stress and arguing and yelling, but I don't. I will admit right now that I fail God when leaving to worship Him. Do you struggle with that too? Well then don't worry, because you are not alone.

My second form of my lack of self control is my crushing. As humans, we are drawn to each other. I've listened for hours to my friends talking about the guys that they like and how cool they are. I've also been there to give my guy friends girl advice when they most needed it. And I have a crush too, just like everyone else. I have to say that I do lack quite a bit of self control in this area. Can I explain to you how hard it is for girls to have self control when it comes to boys? Hard...hard is an understatement! It's hard not to jump to conclusions about them liking you if they tease you or talk to you or seek you out. It is crazy hard! One of my best guy friends once said: "you girls can be a little crazy sometimes. If a guy says hi to you, you think he likes you!" While I pridefully told him that wasn't true, in a way, it is true. It takes the strength of 10,000 men for me to not jump to conclusions about a guy. Sometimes I can fight it, but other times, I lack self control when he says hi or something silly like that. I perfectly understand that God has a really fantastic man out there for me to marry, and even with knowing this, I still lack self control in this department. A woman of God lacking self control? Yes, ask any other woman and they will tell you they lack or have lacked it in this area too!

My last form of my diminishing self control is with God. I have to tell you that sometimes I lack quite a bit in self control in my relationship with our  Father. I try to be obedient to Him, but I lose my self control and go off to do other things. Instead of reading my Bible like I should, I read a different book. Instead of praying, I go talk to one of my friends. Instead of worshipping God, I sit around and listen to country music. I know what I should be doing, but I don't utilize my self control like I should. I sit back and let it happen.

I know we all sin this way. I hear it from my friends and parents and I see it in movies and read it in books. While the world looks at self control as remaining proper or choosing to stay calm in a stressful situation (and those too are good things), I believe that it is our duties as Christians to look at it a little differently, on a more spiritual level. A verse in the Bible says:

"Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour." Matthew 26:41

Did you read that? When we are lacking in self control, the devil takes the opportunity to try and tear us apart. I can tell you right now how easy it is to fall into bad things when not be patient, falling for or dating someone or especially in our relationship with God. Yes, I understand how that person didn't listen and how they deserved to get yelled at. Yes, I understand how cute he/she is and how much attention they shower you with. Yes, I understand how tired you are and the long day you had and how you don't have time to read your Bible or pray. But I'm here to tell you to GET A GRIP! Don't yell, but offer up a kind patient word. Don't get distracted and flirty with a person that might not even be your spouse. And whatever you do, don't you dare skip out on time with God.

So put up your shield and stand your ground, because I know you have the self control of 10,000 angels when you are walking with God.

Fighting for Faithfulness

Today I feel epic. Today is a drink-butterbeer-watch-Harry-Potter-and-Hunger-Games-and-listen-to-the-Lord-of-the-Rings-soundtrack type of day. Today is a pretend you're a hero type of day. Today, is a fighting type day. The most epic of moments happen near the end of a great battle, where everything seems to be spiraling downward. Watch this clip so you understand just how epic fighting really is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrXqQjJPcqQ

That clip right there is from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. It is probably one of my favorite clips in the entire movie, and it shows the perfect fight - fear, but confidence, strength and the last thread of light weaving its way through the darkness. Today, I feel like a fighter, but not the type of fighter that rides upon a horse and charges Orcs. The type of fighter that fights for something on a more spiritual level.

Faithfulness was the second to last Fruit of the Spirit I learned about as an itty, bitty girl. I feel bad for my poor Sunday school teachers, whom had to teach me and the rest of my friends what faithfulness was. How exactly, does one explain faithfulness to a group of first or second graders? Mercy me, I do not know how they accomplished it. But, I remember it all the same. Faithfulness was similar to obedience; it was like making a promise and following it through - like if we said we were going to clean our room, we had to remain faithful and actually do it, instead of just saying that we'd do it. Faithfulness was being loyal, like how our dogs always loved us no matter what. At least, that's what I remember it as.

Faithfulness has changed. Or, rather, I have changed and my view of faithfulness too has changed. I no longer see it as just cleaning my room or being like a dog. I see it as being loyal and steadfast and constant. Just the other day my dad and I were having a conversation about faithfulness and we both agreed that faithfulness wasn't just meant for married couples being faithful towards each other. Faithfulness could be applied to God, in every single way.

For example, I went through a really hard time for a couple of years. God wasn't saying much - in fact, He wasn't saying anything. I hated praying to Him, because it felt like praying to a wall. I hated reading my Bible, because it seemed empty and lifeless in my hands. I hated going to youth group, because I felt as if it was blah blah words being thrown at me while I tried to dodge them. Everything felt stupid all of a sudden. But want to know where this story gets really sad? I wasn't being faithful to God. I was too busy being distracted by boys and friends and life, for that matter. I was too busy focusing on those things, that I wasn't being faithful to God. I was cheating on Him...the being that laid down their life for me...and I was cheating on Him. I was cheating on the Creator of the Universe...the Father of my life...the person that would wipe my slate clean after I had stained it red with sin. I was being faithless.

I can't imagine cheating on my husband for another man...so why on earth did I try and cheat on God with satan? Satan is a poop... he's a poop like Sauron is a poop. And you want to know who I am? I am Boromir. I am sinful and selfish and faithless a lot of the time, just like Boromir was. I have a feeling a lot of us are Boromirs. But...do you want to know what the best thing about Boromir is? In the end, Boromir lays down his life to protect the Ring and the other Hobbits. In the end, Boromir realizes his mistake and becomes faithful once again!

I think our stories are a lot like that. I think we are the Boromir's of our lives and God is the Gandalf. I think we spend a lot of our time getting distracted by things of this world, instead of things not of this world. I know for a fact that a lot of us spend our days sinning, and eventually, we realize we need to stop being pushed around, so we fight back. We fight back like Boromir, taking arrows to the chest but still standing strong to protect what we know is right. Eventually we wander back to faithfulness because we are reminded why we are here - for the Lord's purpose. I guess what I'm trying to say is, stop trying to get the Ring (sin), turn around and fight for faithfulness.

But you, the ones who held tight to God, your God, are alive and well, every one of you, today. - Deuteronomy 4:4

The Goodest Good You Are Ever Gonna Get

Sometimes I feel as if I just cannot help but be easily agitated and short. I often feel as if I'm over-mature, so when I get to the time when I am sitting around at Starbucks with my two best guy friends trying to study, I just cannot help but get upset at them for no reason, or at least stupid reasons. Perhaps it's the fact that they're not studying as much as they could be. Perhaps it's the fact that they are laughing and it's obnoxious and I invited them there to study. Or perhaps it's because they are sitting too close or being too loud or just being too annoying. Don't get me wrong, I love those guys more than anything; they're my best buds, and best buds - brothers - stick together through thick and thin. It's easy for me to say that even when they annoy me or drive me crazy, I still love 'em all the same. Yet, I just cannot help myself at being easily annoyed with them at points and times.

Let me paint a picture for you: I sit with my laptop to my left, my psychology textbooks open to my right and my notebook full of psych notes in front of me. I have my assortment of colored pens close-by, so I can color coat away. My warm caramel bruleé latte is right in front of me so that I may admire the gorgeousness of the cup and the delicious smell. Everything is going good, until all hell breaks loose that is. It starts with one of my guy friends plopping himself down beside me. He is loud and throws his backpack on the ground and instantly my whole atmosphere is thrown off. He is sitting too close, he is being too noisy, he is throwing off my studying groove. Until he had arrived, my other guy friend and I had been a little talkative, but quiet and scholarly. That's when things start to really get interesting. Because there are now two guys around versus one, they begin to interact. They laugh loudly, joke around and when I just want one moment to watch a movie trailer, they keep peering over at me and crowding me. So, guess what my dear, sweet sinful self does? I lose it. I say angrily: "Could you please mind your own business and stop looking at my things? Perhaps you could study and actually do something instead of just sitting around." I scoot my chair farther away from him, wanting as much space to breathe as possible. I never apologize, but as the day goes on, I feel the sinking feeling in my stomach that I have done something horribly wrong. As you can see, I had no ounce of goodness in me in that moment.

Goodness was the sixth Fruit of the Spirit that I learned about. The Sunday school teachers explained to us that goodness was being nice to others and generous. For example, if we had two cookies we could share one. Or if we saw a new person we could play with them and introduce ourselves. To kids, goodness didn't really seem all that hard. I mean, it wasn't too hard to make a new friend...but sharing cookies was a whole different story. But nowadays for me, goodness is buying a coworker a coffee for no reason. Goodness is being kind to people that sometimes annoy you. Goodness is offering to help buy somebody lunch because they don't have enough money. Goodness is welcoming a new person at church. Has goodness changed for you too?

The dictionary says that goodness means to be kind or generous; having virtue. I believe that that is a fair description of goodness. If I had reacted to the Starbucks situation with the dictionary's version of goodness, maybe I would've apologized or not said anything at all. But...sometimes the dictionary's ways are not the Godly ways. The Bible says:

"As we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6:10

What the Bible is saying about goodness, is that we should always be good. The Bible depicts goodness as serving others and serving the Lord. While the Bible gives actions, the dictionary just gives petty words. We are to do good to all people, especially those who belong to the family of believers - other Christians. My sin in my Starbucks situation was being rude to my fellow brothers in Christ, even though I should do good to them because they belong to the family of believers. If I had applied that concept to my situation, I might've said something like: "It's nice to have you here. I'm glad you could come study with us. How's school going?" I would've been nice and kind and gently urged them into studying instead of just snapping at them. I would've been generous and asked them if there was anything I could help them with, instead of telling them to do something besides sit around. I was, unfortunately (that darn devil gets ya every time...), sinful and very un-good.

Sometimes it is really hard to be good. It's crazy hard. It's especially hard to be good to people who annoy you - I mean, why should I have to be generous and allow someone to sit at my table and save them a seat when I know they will just be annoying? Well... I should be good because it's what God calls me to do. I love my guy friends, so I should be good to them instead of harsh or rude, because being harsh and rude is poison of the devil. I can't also help but feel that sometimes I get tired of doing good too. You know, sometimes I don't really feel like being good all the time, too. It's exhausting being nice to people who wear my patience thin. It's expensive to buy people coffee sometimes. And sometimes, it's emotionally vexing to sit and talk to people that agitate me. But Galatians says:

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

You know what God's saying? He's saying that even when I feel like I don't want to be good, I should do good anyway. He's saying that I should not be lazy in His presence, because you know what? God blesses those who do good, and if we do good, we will reap a harvest. We must not give up being kind and generous, no matter how hard it is. You also know what else? God is always good to us, and we should follow His example and always be good to others. We shouldn't allow ourselves to be like satan and be lazy with goodness, because God wasn't lazy when He laid down His life for us.

 My challenge to you is to share your little cup of goodness. Bake cookies for someone you dislike; buy coffee for a friend; use kind, virtuous words instead of harsh ones; do not become lazy in doing good. After all, the harvest we will one day reap is heaven, and I would feel rather tragic if I found out after all that I had spent more time agitated, annoyed, being lazy and not good than spending all my time being generous and good. Wouldn't you?

And What If I'm Not Feeling Very Kind?

I am defiant. I am rather morose. I don't really like talking to people, though I have a lot to say. It's easier for me to be straight forward and blunt about things than to beat kindly around the bush. You know, sometimes it's just hard to be kind over all. I mean, really, it's hard to be kind to that person who cut me off while driving, the annoying teenage boy that seems incompetent, the rude girl across the room - really, there are endless things I don't really want to be kind to. You know what? Some things don't really deserve my kindness at all - not even a teeny tiny bit. Because I will be kind, when I want to be kind, right? Because you know what? I'm not feeling very kind today - or a lot of days - or every day when I'm not being the nicest of people. I am justified to not be kind to unkind people, right? Actually... wrong.

Kindness was the fifth Fruit of the Spirit I learned about as a Sunday school student. To a kid, I mean, really what is kindness? Well, let me tell you. Kindness was sharing a cookie with someone else; kindness was being nice to the kid at the play ground that stole the swing you had wanted; kindness was - dare I say it - letting someone else have the last Oreo in the cookie jar. And while my version of child-like kindness may have been very right, it isn't very right nowadays. Because kindness doesn't stay in the same form as sharing cookies or giving away Oreos or letting someone else have a swing. Kindness has kind of changed for me, and for everyone else that is growing up too. Now, for me, kindness is not honking my horn when someone pulls out in front of me; offering to buy someone a coffee when I'm really not feeling like it; offering to take my siblings places even when I really don't want to and it costs gas money. And you know what? A lot of the time I do those things, I don't feel very kind while doing them, nor do I really want to do them.

The dictionary says that kindness means the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. I would agree with what the dictionary says, because kindness is the mere essence of generosity, consideration and being friendly. And while I love the dictionary, I can't help but notice how bland it seems. Really, is that all kindness truly is? If so, how boring and simple! Kindness cannot surely be just that! So, on the journey for kindness I went, traveling through the Bible's pages. And do you know what I found, dear reader? Something more than just a silly definition. I found true kindness.

Kindness is forgiving one another and having a tender heart (Ephesians 4:32). Kindness is forgiving your enemies and doing good to them and expecting nothing from them in return because God is kind to the ungrateful and the evil (Luke 6:35). Kindness is blessing stupid people (1 Peter 3:9). In other words... kindness is forgiving the dumb girl that spread a rumor about you; kindness is heaping hot coals of Jesus onto people by being nice instead of rude. Kindness is smiling at the person that makes you so angry you want to beat yourself over the head. Kindness is blessing that ever-so-moronic driver that cut you off.

In short, kindness is being like God. I mean, God is still kind to us even though we curse Him, don't believe Him, turn our backs on Him and when we're being rather idiotic. Jesus washed the feet of His servants, including Judas', whom would betray him and sell him for a measly amount of silver. To lay down your own pride and wash the feet of someone you know will betray you and sell you out is more kindness than I could muster in a months. He was doing good to His enemies. Our Father is the perfect picture of kindness, and anything less is mundane compared to His holiness.

Being kind is really hard. It's tedious work. It's hard to keep my words straight when people are causing my patience to wear thin and such. Perhaps it's as hard for you as it is me - if it wasn't so hard, I doubt God would have so many verses on being kind. But, God is kind and we should strive to be kind, too. I'm not saying being kind is going to be easy (because it's not and satan likes to try to get in our way), I'm telling you it's going to be worth it. God blesses those who do good unto others. Take a step back from your life and look for kindness, because it might be hiding. Find it and apply it, because God is pretty fantastic when you start applying His Truth to your life.

"So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline." Colossians 3:12

But Why Can't I Just Have It All Now?!

The water for my tea really can't heat up fast enough. Minutes of waiting for water to brew my tea? It's an eternity. I walk around the kitchen, look at my surroundings, dance on my toes - this can't possibly go any slower. I walk to the other room, searching for my book. I find it, only to misplace it and then have to go searching for it once again. Still, the water on the old stove of the beach house I'm staying in hasn't heated up. I find my book (at last!) and still the water isn't ready to be poured for my tea. Why oh why water are you not ready?! I twirl around the room, looking for a good place to sit and read my book. I find the clearest area of counter space (when there are four children and four adults in one house, a kitchen can get pretty messy) and sit down, delving into the book. I read five pages and still the water isn't ready. This infernal water should be heated, I think, why is it so slow?! I may die of the agony of having to be patient for one more second! Finally the kettle begins to whistle, and I slide (careen) off the counter, practically launching myself at the kettle. I yank it off the stove and pour the water into my mug, nearly squirming with anticipation. The tea, is now mine! As you can see, the word "patience" hardly exists in my vocabulary. If I can't be patient with my tea...doesn't that mean I can't be patient with other things? Sometimes, I think so. What about you? Is patient in your vocabulary, or is it like mine, and somehow patience seems to magically disappear when you most need it?

Patience was the second fruit of the spirit that I learned as a child. According to my parents, patience was when I wanted a cookie but I had to sit and wait till they were finished being baked in the oven. Patience was waiting for my friend to come over. Patience was waiting for Christmas, because a week seemed like an eternity! As a young girl, learning about what patience was, I was starting to think that it was just out there to annoy me. Now, as a young woman, I think differently.

I cannot explain to you how much it is my dream to get married and have a bunch of babies. If it were up to me, I would be married right now. I know there's a great guy out there that will one day be my husband, but I can't help but not want him to be my husband right now. If you already can't tell, I am not patiently waiting to be married and start my own family. Yes, I know I'm only sixteen and the possibility is at least two or three years away, but a girl can want and a girl can dream and a girl can be seriously impatient. But...I wish that I could be married now. I wish I didn't have to wait and be patient, because patience seems like a mood dampener. Honestly, patience makes me made and upset and kind of angry, because I want everything now, instead of when the Lord wants it.

Sometimes I just want to look at the Lord and go: "Yo, bro, speed it up a little, will ya?" I just can't help but be impatient about everything. I used to hound over things that I wanted sooner rather than later, but I've come to acquire some miniscule amount of wisdom: things don't come when I want them to come, they come when God wants them to come. So while I may want a husband and a family now (or a nice cup of tea in a timely manner...), I can't have those things now because it will all happen in God's time. It makes me feel a little sad that I would demand the Creator of the Universe to speed up His timing - how demeaning I am! A great verse says:

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." Ecclesiastes 7:8

Despite knowing that God is all that and a whole warehouse of Pringles, I can't help but want to shake Him and scream: "But why can't I just have it all now?! Why do I have to wait?!" And that screaming then leads to some very serious conversations between me and God, which mostly consist of be telling God why I should get something now and that I deserve it. Who am I to be so prideful that I think I can boss Jesus around? Patience is better than pride, and as I look through my daily life, my life is full of impatience.

I'm not going to say patience is easy, because that would be a lie. Patience is so hard it hurts all over and aches in your bones as if you were stuck in time. While patience may be tedious, it's beautiful. Want to know why? Because God has patience with us. We make mistakes, take time to learn our lessons, forget things easily and sin often. How much patience it must take with us petty, sinful creatures. Yet even though we may be difficult, the Lord still somehow exudes the most beautiful amount of patience. So don't be prideful and bossy, be patient and careful, because God knows the plans He has for you (Jeremiah 29:11) and why on earth would we want to interfere with something as breathtaking and beautiful as that?

Now sit down, pull out your Bible, fold your hands together, read and pray. The thing I learned about being patient in the Holy Spirit, is that the best way to pass the time is talking to the One who is changing your life and teaching you the patience you are to exude, too.

A Thousand - Million - Ways of Loud

Life is crazy. Life is so crazy that as humans, we are always going and going and going and going - there is no such thing as stopping. We are just naturally busy creatures. A normal week for my family consists of three people working, a cheerleader needing to go to her cheer practice, an aspiring guitarist with lessons, two youth groups, church, two bible studies, two different babysitting jobs and not to mention the slim amount of time for family time. From what the rest of my friends have said, they're just as busy! It always feels like there is no time to just sit down and relax - to give God a day of our lives because of our busy schedules. It feels like there is no time for peace.

Peace was the third Fruit of the Spirit I learned about as a child. As our Sunday School teacher began talking about peace, the rest of the students and I just looked at each other, silently asking: "What on earth is she talking about?!" After all, to a young child, peace is something parents ask for when they seem upset or stressed. Or perhaps peace was like...like Reeses Pieces! Yes, that seemed about right. Wrong - my silly little view of peace was rather warped. How on earth had I gotten Reeses Pieces out of peace? The words sound alike sure, but other than that, they have nothing in common. I was a rather imaginative - and candy crazy - little girl, and I had a wrong view of peace.

According to real, actual people, peace isn't just a couple moments of silence. Peace is stepping back from everything crazy and busy about life, and stealing away a few days in a secluded cabin. Peace is reading a nice book by the fire in a quiet house. Peace is looking across a gorgeous ocean, devouring the sandy beaches. Peace is watching the sunset after a nice, thoughtful walk. Peace is days without having to face reality. Peace from that point of view, is a little warped, unfortunately. Trust me, I am all for that kind of peace. There is nothing more that I like, then to sit down with a good book, in a quiet room and have a few hours to myself. But the kind of peace I rather love, may be rather silly - rather, unused properly. While most of us like to spend our peace time with ourselves and doing something we enjoy, maybe we're spending our "peace time" poorly.

We constantly complain about how we have no time for God, but maybe that's because we choose to make no time. We forget that our "peace time", is really God's time. We also forget to have God time in the smallest slivers of moments possible. Sometimes we think that God's time of peace is supposed to be spent in hour long periods, but we're wrong. God time, is any time. God time is the brief ten minutes spent in the shower; the fifteen minute drives to work; the smidgens of time between meetings - God time, is any time. The Bible says that, "Since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."(Romans 5:1) So since we have been "justified through faith", we have "peace with God". Some could look at this verse and think it was talking about us not having a war with God, but if you look at it in the context of us having busy lives, it comes across more like because we have been justified through faith, we have time for peace to have God Time.

Life is so busy, isn't it? Life is so busy, loud, crazy and absolute insanity. Sometimes peace, seems rather hopeless, and time set aside for God seems rather doubtful. But do not make an idol out of time, looking for peace and for God Time. Instead, delight in the small amounts of time God has given you. Pray for ten minutes in the shower; worship for fifteen minutes on the drive to work; steal away Scripture in the time between meetings. Stop waiting for time, make it. Because God Time is any time and all the time. And if you have to wake up an hour earlier, or stay up an hour later just to spend time with the one who created you, saved you and remade you, well... I'd say it's worth the extra sixty minutes, don't you?

Joy for the Sour Puss

I believe that God has given each of us a "thorn in our flesh" (see 2 Corinthians 12:7) so to speak. If you read more in 2 Corinthians 12, you see why having a thorn in your flesh can be a good thing. In my case, my "thorn" is negativity - despite my possibly encouraging blog posts - I feel rather morose and melancholy. It's easy for me to feel that way, and see the glass closer to half empty than half full. I can't really tell you exactly why God chose to give me the rather disastrous gift, but He must have a reason. Alright, so you're probably wondering where I'm going with all this and I will give you one word: joy.

As a small, naive little five year old, joy was the second Fruit of the Spirit that I learned about. To me (and the rest of my Sunday School class) joy was laughter and happiness; toys and ice cream - and dare I say it - Elmo. When I began getting older, joy was just joy - a simple word people talked of. And as the years went by, I found joy was just...a mystery. According to the dictionary, joy means: "the emotion of great happiness" - but I really think it's so much more. After all...anyone can be happy, but can anyone be joyful?

As I sit on a beach and write this, pondering what I could possibly say, I realize the bible is the right thing to point to. Here's what true joy is:

"Those who have been ransomed by the Lord will enter Jerusalem singing, crowned with everlasting joy. All sorrow and mourning will disappear, and they will be filled with joy and gladness." Isaiah 35:10

I feel like as humans (very, very sinful humans) we are always searching for joy. I believe we spend so much time searching that we don't just sit still and find what's right in front of our faces. I say this only because I know from experience. I spent so much time searching, that I didn't realize joy was just a breath - a breath away. No, you can't find joy in anything of this earth - no sports, no person, no joy, nothing can give you beautiful joyfulness. Each time we do a petty search for joy, we end up with joylessness instead of joyfulness. But things that are not of this earth? Well, there's a lot more to it than you think. Only (and I mean only) can our Father give us pure, perfect joy. Nothing else can, but Him, and I know this for a fact. Krystal Meyers wrote this awesome song called "Only You Make Me Happy", and it's only a good song because only God can make us happy.

Feeling not joyful? I felt not joyful when I began writing this blog, and just talking about being joyful has made me, well, joyful. Yes, sometimes it is a little hard to be joyful, but there are easy solutions. If you're not feeling very joyful, my challenge to you is to look up the word "joy" in your bible and circle every verse that contains it - you'll find there are a lot more verses that mention joy than you thought. If you're not feeling joyful, go out and do something that would make someone else feel joyful. If you're not feeling joyful...go seek the Father, because He is the one that will show you true joy.

Love Like Crazy

Love can change a person; it makes our hard hearts into soft squishy things. But do we truly know what love actually is? There's songs about it, books about it, words to convey it - but do we actually understand it? We talk about how much we love people, but do we actually love them? Here is the definition of love from the dictionary: "an intense feeling of deep affection"; do you think that's actually just what love is? We see "love" (or what we guess to be love) all around us, but maybe it's not real, true love. To acquire perfect love seems simple enough, but it isn't. We don't know of perfect love on this earth.

When I was younger and we were learning about the Fruit of the Spirit, the first one I learned about was love. We would recite the fruits all the time, whether it was with our parents or just with the Sunday school class. For a five year old child, I didn't know anything about love. As far as I was concerned, love was just a word and something that my parents showed me, though I couldn't exactly see it. Nowadays I still feel like it's a little fuzzy; do I really, truly understand love?

According to the Bible, this is what love really is:


"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

That verse right there shows us exactly what pure love is. Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy or boast. In other words, that right there is perfect, unadulterated love.

Love is so crucial in our lives; I can't even stress how important it is. It's not the kind of love where you fall in love with someone and then marry them. This is the kind of love, where if someone is in desperate need, you come alongside them. It's the kind of love that when a friend is being wrongly accused, that you protect them. It's the kind of love that doesn't get jealous of things. It's the kind of love that is selfless; willing to lay down one's life for the other. It's the kind of love that slaps satan in the face, especially when he deserves it. It's the kind of love, that never fails, no matter what. So maybe love isn't like in the movies with a princess and a prince charming. Maybe love is when someone asks you for your coat, and you give them your shirt too (see Luke 6:30, Matthew 5:40). Love is going that extra mile when carrying someone's baggage on a rainy day.

It's hard to love. It's hard to love your enemies, because enemies can sometimes be stupid. And really, does God want us to love stupid people? I mean, come on God, even that horrible person that says rude things about me and hurts my feelings all the time? Even them? Yes, as hard as it is for me to say, God does want us to love our enemies, even the stupid ones. After all, love keeps no record of wrongs, and it always perseveres. "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:44-45a So yes, love your enemies as much as you love the people around you; in fact, love them more then your friends or your family. If someone has wronged you, hurt your feelings, or you feel like they used your trust, love them to the moon and back.

My challenge to you is to love like crazy. Love because God first loved us. Remember 1 Corinthians 13 and it's tale of love, depicting what iridescent, beautiful love is. Pray for your enemies and your friends/family. Love the unloveable. Give someone your shirt and your coat; walk the extra mile. There is so much gorgeousness in our Father's love, and mirroring that only makes you a more gorgeous person too. And if it's hard to love someone...well, all I can say, is that is more reason to love them. By doing this, you could make a new friend, change a life, save a life, and change your heart.

"Love that will not betray youDismay or enslave youIt will set you freeBe more like the manYou were made to be"- Mumford and Sons (Sigh No More)

Dear God, You're Boring

When I sit through a long lecture, no matter where I am - or who is talking - it's incredibly difficult for me to enjoy and fully listen to what I'm hearing. In other words...it's far too easy to get bored. I find that our culture, is easily bored. I watch people get "bored" all the time, and know that I'm just as bad as they are. We marry someone, and we get "bored" of them, so we go after someone else. We start a hobby, but we get "bored", so we start a new hobby. It's an on-going cycle of what bores and doesn't bore us. I know this to be true, only because I have the same problem. I don't know if I really like the thought of always being bored with the things around me.

I got a fantastic letter the other day from one of my good friends, telling me how she felt bored with God. She wasn't saying it like she just thought God was getting old and tiring and didn't want a part of Him anymore; she was saying it like for some reason, she never felt a spark whenever she read her bible; there wasn't an a-ha moment if she read something profound. God just wasn't as interesting as He used to be. I sat there with the letter, thinking. Bored with God? I had thought, frowning as I looked into her cursive letters on the page. I could almost hear her speaking the words, and they felt all too close to my delicate heart, because the words slammed into me like a thousand shards of glass. I knew the exact feeling she was struggling with, because at one point, I had been bored with God.

Being bored with God isn't just waking up one day and deciding that God hasn't moved mountains or brought the dead back to life so you should stop following Him. Being bored is waking up one day, reading the bible, and not feeling something anymore. Like when you open the book, smooth out the extra thin pages and search for something more beyond the inky letters, there just isn't the same level of beauty or excitement that was once seen shortly ago. And now, that shortly ago feels like forever ago. I know the same feeling all too well. Then all of a sudden, you read your bible less and less, because when we get bored, we move onto the next thing, right? So slowly, the firm hold we once had on God begins to slip away, slicing between our fingers and running down the drain.

I wish I could just come to you and say that magically the "boredom" with God fixes itself after a couple of weeks, but it doesn't quite work that way. God doesn't send angels singing at your doorstep, or move mountains for you like you may have hoped. He doesn't speak to you until you run flying back to His arms. Maybe it's not so much that God gets boring, as it is that we get bored. A youth pastor once told me: "Only boring people get bored."Is it possible that maybe we are so mundane, that we get bored, versus God getting boring? I've realized there is only one way to cure this excessive boringness: don't stop searching.

When we get bored with God, we fall away from Him, but I've discovered that when I start feeling bored with God, it's because I've slowly fallen away from Him. I have come to the conclusion that I need to never stop searching for the awesomeness of the Creator. The only reason I feel that God becomes boring, is because I stopped searching for the excitement that bounces off the pages of His Word. To make God exciting in your life, actually search for Him and His adventures; God is so thrilling and so beautiful, but we have a hard time seeing it because we get bored easily. My challenge for you, is that if God doesn't feel exciting, make Him exciting! Search for the adventurous world that lays beyond the pages of the Bible, buried inside your prayers.

"Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality." Romans 11:11-13

Isolation

It happens when you're on a Jesus high; one second everything is so fantastic, and the next, it seems as if it's crumbling down around you. It has symptoms; anxiety, depression, loneliness, heartache, paranoia that at any moment you just might go insane. I wish I could explain how it feels; how it feels when your life seems to be spiraling down in an uncontrollable tornado that has you screaming and begging and pleading for peace and joy and comfort from the ones around you. I wish I could explain how it feels to be under this nearly constant attack, in a battle you know you are only a pawn in. But I can't. The words are too simple, the adjectives not grotesque enough and the nouns far too innocent. One can't explain the mental aspects of this devastating feeling that has loneliness lapping at your toes, burning at your insides. It's far too hard to really get the perfectly horrific picture of this feeling. It's like in that single moment, everything that you previously had, was harshly yanked away from you, leaving you exposed and alone – naked with no protection. If you haven't already figured out what I'm talking about yet, I will give you the answer: isolation.

This corrupting feeling of isolation is one that is far too close to me. It's almost too easy to feel isolated. Some of you may be wondering whether I'm talking about God or not, and the answer is no. No, I do not feel "isolated from God". When times were (and are yet to come) hard between God and I, I felt abandoned, not isolated. No, I am not talking about God. I am talking about people around me. To say there are bad people around me would be a disastrous lie; I have wonderful people around me, and they are all very sweet and nice, and I adore them to the moon and back. But, there are times in my life that I feel isolated from them, as if friends in my life have suddenly walked away. It feels as if they’ve walked away, even if they haven’t literally walked to a different part of the country. I can’t find a friend; I feel so exposed and chaotic. That’s only the first part of isolation. After that, comes the part where it feels as if there are no human arms out to hold me; it’s in this time that I start to feel frantic; have I lost everything so quickly? Why is everything shattering before me, leaving me in a room full of broken pieces? Why would God be stealing away the people around me and making me so unhappy? Could the Creator of the Universe really be so cruel? At first, I thought so. Why would God dare to be so abhorrent when I was so joyous? After all, didn’t He want me to have friends and be comforted by the people around me?

Yes, God does want me to be lighthearted, but He wants me to be lighthearted in the right way. When I began to feel isolated, I was so focused on wanting a friend, that I was missing the friend I already had: Jesus. Even though I was on a “Jesus high” and was in an awesome relationship with God, I was too busy running after having a physical friend, that I was shoving Jesus roughly aside. When God chose to isolate me from my friends, I thought it was Him being heartless, but in truth, that wasn’t what He was doing at all! By leaving me completely isolated from the people around me, God was creating a clear path straight into His arms. When I’ve got people around to care for me and hold me in their arms during hard times, or listen to my crazy rants, I don’t depend on Him the same way as to when I’m isolated. I had been so petty to think that God was trying to tear my friends away from me, that I didn’t realize that He was only trying to pull me closer to Him.

Isolation and loneliness are nearly the same thing, and I can attest to that. We feel lonely when there’s no one pursuing us, and we feel isolated when there’s no one around us – they’re almost identical. It was in one of my lonely and isolated times that I stumbled upon a perfect quote by one of my favorite authors, Max Lucado:

“Loneliness. Could it be one of God’s finest gifts? If a season of solitude is His way to teach you to hear His song, don’t you think it’s worth it? So do I.”

At first, I thought Mr. Max Lucado was crazy; loneliness and isolation are one of God’s finest gifts? That is outrageous! He is clearly incompetent, I had thought to myself. But now, I realize wasn’t as lunatic as I’d thought; he was genius. Like Hayley DiMarco and Max Lucado have both said, isolation and loneliness are exactly what God wants, because it only causes us to go careening back into Him.

Do you hear that? It’s the sound of isolation and loneliness. Do you hear that? Listen closer now. Do you hear that? It’s not silence. Do you hear that? It’s the sound of God crying out your name.

Do you feel that? It’s the feeling of isolation and loneliness. Do you feel that? Try a little harder. Do you feel that? It’s not the emptiness of nobody’s touch. Do you feel that? It’s God’s arms wrapping around you, drawing you closer to Him.

“Like a shepherd, He will care for His flock, fathering the lambs in His arms, hugging them as He carries them.”  Isaiah 40:11a

When God Laughs

I'm a planner; I just can't help it. I haven't decided if it's just me that feels the need to plan things, or if it's everyone else too. I feel the need to plan lots of things, whether it be what I'm supposed to do and when, or what I aim to do with the rest of my life. Recently, I was talking to my sister and I found she also felt the need to plan what she was going to do with the rest of her life. Maybe I wasn't so crazy, after all.

Not too long ago, I was sharing my plans with my mom. I was telling her all about where I was going to college, where I was going to travel and what I was going to do. I even knew what I was going to paint my house and what furniture I wanted after college. I was giving her the whole nine yards of my life. Yet in the end of my tale of my future life, she stated something that I hadn't thought of. "What if that doesn't happen?" I hadn't exactly thought about what would happen if my plans didn't turn out the way I wanted them to. I asked her what she meant by that, and she elaborated.

According to her, what she meant wasn't just a question, it was more the question beneath the question. She asked me the same question, but worded it differently, "What if God doesn't have that happen?" That was another question I hadn't thought of. I had never thought about God changing my plans. After all, doesn't He want me to be happy? I let this idea of God having a different plan for me roll over inside my head for quite a few days. But what if I didn't want God to have a different plan for me? When I had thought about this for about a week, I finally became okay with God having a different plan for me. It reminded me of a conversation I had with one of my friends. At youth group one night, we were talking about how God takes control of your life. My best friend Beth said that whenever she began to think about what she wanted to do and what plans she had, she could hear God saying something. She painted a picture of what He was like when He was getting back at her plans. This is how she described what He said to her, "Haha, Beth, you so funny!" Those were the words she used whenever she talked about God changing her plans.

God laughs at us when we think that we can take our lives into our own hands. Every time we begin to plan something and try to go in our direction, God says, "Haha, you so funny!" It took me a little while to figure out that when I attempt to plan something, that God laughs at me because He knows His plan. He knows that He is going to shake up my world whenever I try to plan something, because He wants to show me how awesome He is. Even though God is going to do whatever His plan is, I've found a verse that shows God has two sides to His plan:

"Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4

Yes, God does laugh at us when we try to make our own plans without Him. We have to trust in Him, knowing that He has an even greater plan for us than we can even imagine. And while God is making His plans for us, when we delight in Him, He will give us the desires of our hearts.

Faith(less)

God has a really creative side, don't you think? He's so creative that He made ants. Yes, ants. Ants that steal food, arrive as a party, crawl over everything and sometimes even scare people. Those tiny bugs are impressive. They're impressive because God gave them something special. A minuscule, black sugar ant can lift as much as 50 times its own weight. It's crazy to think that such a small creature, could lift such huge things. I guess you could say we can apply the same idea, to faith.

It doesn't take that much to have faith in something. For example, when I get in my car to go to work, I have faith that I won't get in a car crash and die. Or when I get a cup of tea, I have faith I won't spill hot liquid all over myself when running up the stairs. Or even when I'm getting out of bed, I have faith that I won't fall over (as crazy as that sounds). I have this simple, easy faith in objects and things that I probably shouldn't have. After all, I don't know how slippery the mug is or how fast others are driving on the road.

Having faith in people on the other hand, is a little harder. It's easy for me to have faith in my parents, that they will provide for me and take care of me. But it's more difficult to have faith in other people. It's tedious to have faith in my friends, when they're asking me to do insane things. Or in people around me or at my church, because I don't know what they could do at any moment. Or in a best friend, who could up and leave at any second, but I just hope that they don't. It's harder to have faith in people then in things, because objects you can fix or exchange, but people you can't.

Having faith in objects is easy; having faith in people is hard; having faith in God feels impossible. Yes, it does feel that sometimes I am on a Jesus-high, and I could shift the Earth with my faith if I wanted to, but realistically, I do not have such a big amount of faith. In fact, my faith size is probably so small, it needs a microscope. I'm not saying this because I'm criticizing myself or my faith abilities, nor anyone else's for that matter; I'm saying this because of a verse, and here it is:

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

If I had faith the size of a mustard seed, I could move mountains. Mountains. Those giant things thrusting from the Earth that are a billion times my size, I could move; I could be the ant of real life. I could move those mountains like a piece of cake if I had faith the size of a mustard seed. The crazy part isn't about moving mountains, it's about the size of our faith. Our faith is so teeny tiny, that it's not even the size of a mustard seed. That's right; we're so faithless, we can't even stand a chance against a mustard seed. Even though moving mountains is fantastic, I believe there's something better; if we had faith the size of a mustard seed, we could move hearts. We could change the world, with our mustard seed sized faith. Yet, we don't, because we don't have a faith big enough.

Maybe we will never have faith as big as the tiny mustard seed in the jar above, or maybe one day someone will and a mountain will move. I can't really tell you, because I don't know. My challenge for you, is that you would aim for faith larger than a mustard seed, instead of sitting around in the little under-sized mustard seed world. Go out and beyond to achieve this! Have faith in God, instead of objects or people.

And have a mustard seed faith to move hearts and mountains.

Getting Past the First Layer

Claim Jumpers is probably one of my favorite restaurants in the entire world. Their potato soup - delicious! But one of the most rich and yummy things at Claim Jumpers, is their chocolate cake. It has about a million layers of chocolate cake and creamy chocolate frosting. For one person to eat this cake, it would be a miracle. My family of five can't even eat it all together! If the cake had about 999,999 less layers, it would be the perfect size. But it isn't, and as a result, it takes my family and I a very long time to eat through all the layers.

I know that right now, you don't quite understand why my Claim Jumpers story above is quite relevant, but I will heartily explain. I believe there are multiple layers to one's relationship with God, like the layers of the Claim Jumpers cake. For example, let's say the first bite is being brought to Christ. Fantastic! The first bite is just the beginning to happiness! The God of the Universe has sought you out and captured your heart. Congratulations! But what about from then on? What about after God has pursued you?

After the first bite, I believe there is layer number one. In layer number one, we scrape by it, because it's mostly frosting, and we want to get to the delicious, spongy cake, but the frosting makes it difficult. In this first "layer", that's when we read our bible every once and a while, and pray when we feel like it. We're doing the bare minimum to keep our heads above water. We live life almost exactly the same as it used to be, and it's hardly changed since we became a follower of Christ. We skirt by, too busy with the rest of our lives to spend time with our Father. Too busy with our first layer to even bother trying to get to the second layer. Yet how would we know what the second layer is like, if we're too busy being barely content with the first?

Ahhh, now here we get to the more exciting layers. The second layer, I believe, is where life really starts to get interesting. One becomes more serious about their faith. Suddenly reading their bible every so often, just going to church and praying every once and a while isn't enough. And out of the blue, we want more - more more more of God. We read our bibles every day, pray constantly, read books, search theology - we can't get enough of our relationship with the Lord. That, is the sweet spot - that is one of the places where we belong. In the second layer, that's when our relationship with the Creator becomes set in stone, and we feel His presence everywhere. It's layers like these where our hearts are set on fire to serve and to be a part of ministry; to find out the answers to our theological questions; to actually pray to God than talk at Him.

It's hard to break out of the first layer, and delve into the second. From the standby point of the "frosting", it seems like the cake looks too hard to get to, so you should just sit around and stick with your chocolate frosting, after all, it's pretty good - or so that's what Satan wants you to think. Stop enjoying your chocolate first layer, and break through to the second one. Satan's dream is to keep you as far away from God as possible, because you're more vulnerable there than you are without Him. The second layer holds so much more of a relationship with God then the first did. Serving and learning more about the Lord is exactly what God wanted us to do. He wants us to be committed to Him, as a husband is to his wife. God is too good just for frosting!

Here's a good verse talking about commitment to the Lord:

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do , and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

Breaking out of the first layer is one of the most wonderful things I've ever done. You get out of the sticky, overly sweetness of the frosting layer, and fall into the delicious and wonderful cake layer. And that's only the beginning. Just think...behind that simple frosting layer, is a whole world of Jesus Relationship Cake.

Testing the Mundane Tea Leaves

God tests your faith in all times, even in the times you don't realize. God tests us when life is hard - and this is when we most notice His tests. He tests us when we are sad and struggling to keep our heads above water. And here's the two most craziest tests of all: when we're happy and when faith seems boring. I know what you're thinking... "God tests us when we're happy or bored with Him? What? No! That's crazy." Actually, it's not as crazy as you may think.

I notice that when I'm happy, it's a lot easier for me to forget about God then when I'm going through a really hard time. I find that the happier I am, the less I feel like I need God. In hard times, God is my rock, but in happy times, when there's people around me and other things to distract me, I don't feel like I need God at all. At least, that's what I used to think. Think about this and compare it to your own life - do you fall away from God when life is good or do you cling to Him like when life is bad? Hayley DiMarco made an excellent point when she was talking about God and our happiness: "Because when you have all kinds of people to comfort you and everything you need to be soothed, then you don't really need God, do you?" What she's saying, is that when life is good and you have people to meet your needs, your God needs seem to fade away pretty quickly. The times that I fall away from God the most, are when I'm on cloud nine and life is happy-go-lucky. When it seems like nothing can go wrong, that's when I would pull away from God. I have had to learn this the hard way, instead of the easy way.

The same can be said about God being boring. How could we ever think that the God that created us, designed the Earth, painted rainbows in the sky and sent His son to die for us on the cross, be considered boring? He is exactly the opposite! But sometimes we go through dry seasons, and it feels like God isn't around and that He's not being bold enough with us, so therefore He is considered boring. But He's only considered boring because we make Him appear that way; if we built Him up on the towers we built up the people we admire, we would no longer look at Him and think He is dull.

So what exactly is it that can keep us tethered to God when we're testing the mundane tea leaves? Our handicap. Paul writes:

"Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

   My grace is enough; it's all you need.
   My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become." 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

The "handicap" Paul was given was the only thing that kept him tied to the Lord. In the first part of the verse, it talked about how so he wouldn't get a big head, he was given the gift of a handicap to keep him in touch with God. Because Paul was given a handicap, instead of it thrusting him away from God, it pushed him to his knees in front of the Holy Spirit.

When we are happy or bored with the Lord, we are actually weak instead of stronger. Our handicap was made to bring us closer to God when we were running away from Him. I want you to remember that even when you're happy, or bored out of your mind, you must worship God, take heart in your handicap and show the world just what kind of a Jesus Freak you are.

Stop Drinking Decaf

Praying is one of the hardest things for me to do. I feel like I never know quite what to say and how to say it. And I know how "un-Christian" this makes me sound, but sometimes I find praying boring. It feels like I'm praying to nothing, because I can't feel or see God and He doesn't always talk back. Plus, my prayers are kinda wimpy - they look something like:

Dear God,
Thank you for this day and all the people around me. I pray that tomorrow will be a good day and that everything goes well. Thank you for all the wonderful things around me. 

In Jesus's name, 
Amen.

And that would be my simple prayer. I prayed that prayer for a long time, and sometimes the words would change a little, but not much. Sometimes I would ask for something here or something there, but it was for silly, petty things. If this was all praying was, how could people spend hours doing it? I found it tedious and dull. And hard to do. As soon as I would start a prayer, my mind would wander and I would get distracted, thinking about other things, like what I had to do the next day and what homework I hadn't done yet. How could my divine God be so colorless to pray to?


That's when I realized, God is VERY uninteresting to pray at, but he's exciting to pray to. Instead of actually talking to God, I was praying at Him. I needed to take a step back, look at the Divine Creator in all of His splendor and talk to Him. Solomon encourages us not to rush into God's presence with words, which means instead of rushing ahead and praying a quick nothingness prayer, we need to come forth and talk to the Lord. When I first attempted to "pray", I failed because I was just running through my words. It took me a while to figure out what praying actually was. Now my prayers go longer then they used to, by quite a bit more time. I tell God everything, instead of just surface details. After all, He does know any and every detail about me and my life.

Talking to absolute silence and emptiness is hard, trust me I know. When I sit around and pray, it can be strenuous because I feel like I'm praying to nothing, even though I know the Lord is listening to me. My old youth pastor gave me a good idea when I told him I was struggling with praying. His advice was to find a chair and face it. Imagine there's God, in all His mighty, sitting in that chair. I find that when I'm actually talking at the chair that God is "sitting in", my prayers come easier. The words flow better when I'm talking to God and not praying at Him.

Sometimes praying seems tough, but when you really start talking to God about everything, it doesn't seem so tiring. Instead, it seems easy and good, like you're getting together with an old friend and talking about everything that had happened over the years you hadn't been together. So get up, and talk to the Lord; stop praying at Him and start talking to Him. In other words, stop drinking decaf, and bring out the caffeinated tea leaves.

Here's a good verse on prayer:

"Pray continually." - 1 Thessalonians 5:17

My challenge for you is to break out the caffeinated tea, set up your two chairs, face the Lord and have a long chat with the one who created you and knows the stars by name. Lastly? Pray continually.

Pursuing the Creator of the Universe

As females, we tend to want to be pursued. We want people to come after us, and seek us out. I want to be pursued by people, instead of doing the pursuing. We can say the same about our relationship with God. When we haven't been saved yet, but we feel this tugging in our hearts and souls, God is pursuing us. He is wrapping His arms around us and pulling us close to Him. There is no more beautiful thing then God pursuing us...or is there?

There are times in my life when I go through dry seasons, and I'm sure many of us have times like that. It feels like there's nothing left, because God suddenly fell off the face of the Earth. It feels like He's abandoned us; left us in the dark without His light. When this happened to me, I was so angry. I was mad at God because I couldn't feel His presence, mad because He wasn't speaking to me, mad at His aloofness and mad at how easy it was for Him to treat me like this. I was hurt, because I didn't understand why God had left me so stranded. I thought Him and I were "tea-time" buddies, but if He could leave me like that, then what did that make Him?

I went through this dry season for what felt like a million years. People tried to encourage me and tell me that it would pass and I just had to keep being obedient to God, but it was hard. Why would I want to be obedient to someone who seemed like they didn't even care or exist anymore? There was even a really dark time when I wanted to walk away from my faith. I didn't want anything to do with the being that just left me alone. To me, it felt like God had pulled away and left me exposed to Satan and all his demons. It took a really long time to realize this wasn't true.

After being in my starless, dry season "without" God for a year or two, I finally figured out my problem. Even though people had told me my conclusion countless numbers of time, it didn't make sense until I was on my knees in desperation. I finally realized I had to pursue the Creator of the Universe. I had spent all my time waiting and waiting for God to pursue me, that I ignored pursuing Him. It wasn't Him who abandoned me, it was I who abandoned Him. I was the one that had pulled away, and when I became more angry at God, I pulled away even further. I was wrong, and Satan had used that to try and take me away from God completely. I ran back to God at full speed, but it was hard to pursue Him when I had pushed Him so far away.

Pursing the Father doesn't mean running around your house screaming to God to come back. It doesn't mean looking in your closet and under your bed for Him because you lost Him. Pursuing Him means sitting down in a quiet place, opening up your bible and delving into His word. It means talking to Him, even if it's just small talk. He wants to hear everything you think and want - He wants a "penny for your thoughts" so to speak. So delve into your bible and drown yourself in conversation with the one who has spectacular plans for you. Read books about Him; do devotions; try reading through the entire bible. But most of all? Be disciplined. Coming to God wasn't easy, and when I tried it the first time, I failed. I had to come back over and over again, and discipline myself to read my devotional and bible daily. It was a challenge, but one well worth it. I still struggle with being disciplined sometimes.

Here's a verse I stumbled upon that showed me pursuing God is something that should be done to Him, not wanted from Him:

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

That verse is God's decree - God's decree! Do you know what that means? It means that that is His official promise and law. So remember, in times when life seems veiled and God seems like He's skipping out on your tea party, you will find the Lord when you seek Him with all your heart.