A Letter to Men

It is with a heavy heart and a burdened spirit and a fragile mind that I write this blogpost. It is a topic that has been weighing down upon me, causing me great turmoil and fear. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it and how it has affected so many, many lives. I try to aim my blogposts to both men and women alike; young and old. But for this post I am aiming it specifically at men, no matter the age. Men who are old. Men who are young. Boys who have yet to become men. Brothers and husbands and fathers and uncles. This is my letter.

Dear Men,

Every little girl dreams of getting married. I work at a daycare and half the time my little girls are playing "marriage" or "house". Every one of them talks about being married to their husbands one day and having sweet babies and being mommies. While they aren't old enough to fully comprehend the responsibility of such things, it is still something they desire, from a very small age. I was one of those little girls. 

For years I have prayed for the man that God has set aside for me. I have prayed he comes quickly. I have prayed he seeks the Lord and loves little ones and loves me. I pray that he knows how to lead me. But as of late, I have begun to become discouraged by such things. Days go by. Months. Years. And as I have gotten older I have been forced to recognize the utter ugliness of the world I dwell in. Pornography and sexual temptations haunt young men around every corner. When you're young you don't realize it, but then something happens and suddenly it seems so much closer and so much more real than it did before. Porn used to be an ugly word, followed by shame and lust and sin. Nowadays, it is thrown around freely. As if it is just a part of life. As if it is okay. As if we should just expect it to always be around. As if it is perfectly normal for every young man to have seen it and struggle with it.

The average age for a male to view pornography is by the age of 9. Nine. 9. 9. As I stated previously, I work at a daycare. The kids I work with are as old as six. It both startles and scares me to think that by the time my young boys are 12, most, if not all of them, will have viewed pornography. By the age of 16 many of them will struggle with porn addictions. 10 years and the little boys I once knew will be forever tainted. It breaks my heart into a thousand pieces to think upon such things. Because they are so innocent and so sweet and one day they will have wives and girlfriends, who will never be able to compete with something this graphic.

I have seen women struggle over the fact that their boyfriends or guy friends or husbands struggle with porn or a sexual desire that cannot be quenched. I myself have been a victim of a young man who decided to choose porn and temptation and lust over me. Perhaps you don't know it...perhaps nobody has ever told you what it feels like when someone chooses a computer or an iPhone screen over you. 

 I knew a young man who was addicted to porn by the age of 16; he started viewing it when he was 10. Josh Duggar recently admitted he was cheating on his wife and struggling with porn as well. Strippers and pornography and graphic movies and unfortunate sexual interactions have forever changed the world. They have forever changed the world for so many young women who are put up to compete with things that are horrifically violent and devastating and painful and ultimately unreal. And nowadays I wonder...is there even a young man who hasn't looked at porn? Because now I expect that every man, every young man and boy has viewed such things. The movie/book "50 Shades of Grey" is celebrated and now more and more women are told that they should be able to take on mental, physical, sexual and verbal abuse in order to maintain a man. But where in the Bible does it say that men are supposed to abuse and hurt their wives and significant others? I have yet to find such a thing. In fact, I believe the Bible says otherwise. Colossians 3:19 says, "Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them." Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her". 1 Peter 3:7 says, "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." I have looked. So far I don't see anything about God telling men to view pornography and hurt their loved ones.






I am 19 years old. I used to be excited about getting married. Now...now I'm not so sure. I am fearful. Because I have already been left behind for a girl on a computer screen. And I know, like I know many other women have felt, like I could never compete with that. She is perfect. And photo shopped. And told how to act. She does whatever a directer tells her to do, even if it physically destroys her. How could I ever hold a candlestick to a girl that's so flawless? She does things I am too afraid to do. And if I'm not willing to do it, a trip to the strip club or elsewhere will fix that right up. Or will it? I never thought I would be so worried about getting married. I want to be married. I want to have kids and a happy home. But I do not want to be betrayed. Or abandoned. Or have something so fake be put above me. I am already hurt by the possibility because chances of meeting someone who has saved himself or not viewed pornography are so slim they are little to none. I am not saying they are impossible, for all things are possible with Christ. But sometimes it feels like my odds aren't very high.

This letter is a plea. A plea to men. To the men who have wives - I have given you evidence to not view pornography. You have a wonderful wife that God gave you - why would you treat her such? There is a big chance she gave you her everything...and now it is time your body is hers, and only hers. To young men who have yet to have wives but perhaps have girlfriends or are struggling - please turn away from temptation. Pull a Joseph and flee! Flee from sin and run into the arms of God. You will save your future wife/girlfriend so much grief if you choose not to act upon your sinful desires. To fathers - encourage your sons. Please, oh please fathers, encourage your sons. Encourage your sons in the way of the Lord. Encourage your sons to save their minds and their bodies for their future wives. Some of you fathers have daughters. How would you feel if you find out your little girl couldn't stand a chance against a glowing screen? How would you feel if your daughter felt forced to sexually exploit herself because the world tells her that is the only way she can keep him around?

William M. Struthers writes, "Pornography thus enslaves the viewer to an image, hijacking the biological response intended to bond a man to his wife and therefore inevitably loosening that bond." Bonds are broken. Relationships are torn to shreds or put under strain because of something the devil is trying to use to fight against us and fight against God. But I encourage you! Take up your shield and raise your prayers and the Bible up and fight off such temptations! For the Lord is strong and he will fight for you (see Exodus 14:14). 

1 John 4:8 says, "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." We are called to love one another, men and women alike. And when we choose to give into sexual temptation and let satan run ramped we are choosing not to love. Not to love wives. Not to love one another. Not to love girlfriends or someone's daughter. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." Men love your women. Love your wives. Your girlfriends. Your future wives. Your future girlfriends. Love them enough that it prevents you from allowing temptation and struggle to enter into your life.

This is a call to arms. A call to fathers and sons and uncles and husbands and boyfriends. A call to young men and boys and old men who have walked the earth for many years. A call to defend the Lord's word and yourselves from satan's desperate attempt to tear our world limb from limb. Kick satan's butt. Scream at him and tell him you know love and will not fall into his ways! Resist. Flee. Run from temptation, take up your cross and follow the Lord desperately.

Signed,
The Girl Who Was Chosen By A Man 2000 Years Ago



"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." - James 4:7

The Yoga Pants Epidemic

I go to a Christian college currently, and for some reason, one of the most talked about topics is yoga pants or leggings. Should girls wear them? Should they not? Should they be banned? Are they...appropriate? These questions seem to follow me everywhere, so it's forced me to sit and think about this whole "yoga pants" or "leggings" epidemic. Apparently, this is a big topic we should all be concerned with, since it is making such a huge impact upon our planet (insert sarcasm here). Here at my school, half the school is pro-yoga pants and the other half is anti-yoga pants; there are even young men on this campus that tell the girls that if they are going to wear yoga pants over to the boys' dorm, to just not come at all because it's "too much of a struggle". Like I said - it's constant. And while this is continually a topic, I can't help but want to slap someone in the face every time it comes up, mostly because those conversations are absolutely ridiculous. Now don't get me wrong, I am all about modesty. I think a woman's body should be treasured and looked upon with beauty and not lust, but I don't believe that we should suddenly try and hide a woman's body just because it can be a struggle not to look at it. And deep down, I think most men generally know that it doesn't matter what a girl is wearing - they are still going to look. But here is what really aggravates me about this topic...it's not in the Bible. Yoga pants are not mentioned anywhere in the Bible.

I went on a missions trip to Haiti last February, and I got to see what life was like in a third world country. And just last night I watched a film titled the Boys of Baraka, all about boys in Baltimore, Maryland that had the chance to go to Africa for a boarding school to help them get into high school. An estimated 44 children every hour die in Haiti, and 1 in 10 children in Haiti will die before the age of 5. In Baltimore, Maryland, a group of about twenty or thirty boys attended a school meeting and were asked if they had ever been suspended - everyone raised their hand. One young man said he had been suspended 8 times - that year. One of the parents in the movie Boys of Baraka said: "When you send your kid to a Baltimore school, you send them to jail." They basically think that jail is the kids' only option because that's how bad their situation is. When the kids in Baltimore see a fire happening down the street or there is a huge group of cops gathered around people, they don't bat an eye. "Oh, it's normal to see a person's house being burned to the ground." "Oh last week we saw a 17 year old kid get shot in front of our apartment." "My dad shot my mom in the leg so he can't take care of me because he's got 13 years in jail." "My mom is addicted to cocaine." In Haiti there are swollen bellies from lack of food, moms crying because their babies are dead, children dying of starvation and diseases. In Baltimore, Maryland kids are getting shot and getting into drugs early and most of them may not even make it out of middle school - for the majority, high school is unlikely.

And here we are, discussing yoga pants.

Is yoga pants biblical, or is it biblical to be taking care of widows and orphans? To be taking care of the people I have just described above?

And yet, here we are, discussing yoga pants.

Because suddenly, yoga pants and modesty is a bigger issue then dying kids and struggling parents.

James 2:14-17 says, "What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do? So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless." This is a call to action - do not sit idly by and discuss yoga pants, when you could be doing something that actually changes the world - something that could change a person's life forever.

Matthew 5:42 says, "Give to those who ask, and don't turn away from those who want to borrow." We are asked constantly by our churches and the people around us to help the poor and needy, but we turn our noses up and say we "don't have time". Except we do have time; we just choose to not use it wisely. Your "time" could save someone's life if you allowed it to.

Romans 15:1 says, "We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves." We need to come alongside the people that surround us, the people like the Haitians I encountered and the young people in Baltimore, Maryland. There are people everywhere in need; there are orphans and widows wherever we turn; there are struggling families and starvation no matter where we are.

And yet, here we are, talking about yoga pants.

So my proposition for you is next time you are debating yoga pants or leggings, perhaps it's time to put off that conversation and deal with more biblical issues.