Crushing, Yelling, Forgetting

Sundays. They are some of my favorite days that house my most dear memories. Now that I really look back on it, my most special memories happened on a Sunday. Isn't it funny how those things work? Yet, while Sundays are fun, sometimes they are also incredibly crazy, whether it be good or bad crazy.

Allow me to paint my Sunday life for you. It consists of me waking up early Sunday morning and rolling out of bed to prepare myself for church. I then walk to the bathroom and spend the majority of my morning getting ready for church with my dear sweet sister. Everything is going great...until it comes time for us to leave. Suddenly the house is a wreck, someone can't find their shoes, we can't find the keys and oh goodness does somebody need to brush their teeth! And hence, the yelling. Me and my lovely siblings spend our Sunday morning arguing and yelling at each other. That, is my first example of my lack of self control. I could be patient and wake up earlier to prevent the stress and arguing and yelling, but I don't. I will admit right now that I fail God when leaving to worship Him. Do you struggle with that too? Well then don't worry, because you are not alone.

My second form of my lack of self control is my crushing. As humans, we are drawn to each other. I've listened for hours to my friends talking about the guys that they like and how cool they are. I've also been there to give my guy friends girl advice when they most needed it. And I have a crush too, just like everyone else. I have to say that I do lack quite a bit of self control in this area. Can I explain to you how hard it is for girls to have self control when it comes to boys? Hard...hard is an understatement! It's hard not to jump to conclusions about them liking you if they tease you or talk to you or seek you out. It is crazy hard! One of my best guy friends once said: "you girls can be a little crazy sometimes. If a guy says hi to you, you think he likes you!" While I pridefully told him that wasn't true, in a way, it is true. It takes the strength of 10,000 men for me to not jump to conclusions about a guy. Sometimes I can fight it, but other times, I lack self control when he says hi or something silly like that. I perfectly understand that God has a really fantastic man out there for me to marry, and even with knowing this, I still lack self control in this department. A woman of God lacking self control? Yes, ask any other woman and they will tell you they lack or have lacked it in this area too!

My last form of my diminishing self control is with God. I have to tell you that sometimes I lack quite a bit in self control in my relationship with our  Father. I try to be obedient to Him, but I lose my self control and go off to do other things. Instead of reading my Bible like I should, I read a different book. Instead of praying, I go talk to one of my friends. Instead of worshipping God, I sit around and listen to country music. I know what I should be doing, but I don't utilize my self control like I should. I sit back and let it happen.

I know we all sin this way. I hear it from my friends and parents and I see it in movies and read it in books. While the world looks at self control as remaining proper or choosing to stay calm in a stressful situation (and those too are good things), I believe that it is our duties as Christians to look at it a little differently, on a more spiritual level. A verse in the Bible says:

"Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour." Matthew 26:41

Did you read that? When we are lacking in self control, the devil takes the opportunity to try and tear us apart. I can tell you right now how easy it is to fall into bad things when not be patient, falling for or dating someone or especially in our relationship with God. Yes, I understand how that person didn't listen and how they deserved to get yelled at. Yes, I understand how cute he/she is and how much attention they shower you with. Yes, I understand how tired you are and the long day you had and how you don't have time to read your Bible or pray. But I'm here to tell you to GET A GRIP! Don't yell, but offer up a kind patient word. Don't get distracted and flirty with a person that might not even be your spouse. And whatever you do, don't you dare skip out on time with God.

So put up your shield and stand your ground, because I know you have the self control of 10,000 angels when you are walking with God.

Fighting for Faithfulness

Today I feel epic. Today is a drink-butterbeer-watch-Harry-Potter-and-Hunger-Games-and-listen-to-the-Lord-of-the-Rings-soundtrack type of day. Today is a pretend you're a hero type of day. Today, is a fighting type day. The most epic of moments happen near the end of a great battle, where everything seems to be spiraling downward. Watch this clip so you understand just how epic fighting really is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrXqQjJPcqQ

That clip right there is from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. It is probably one of my favorite clips in the entire movie, and it shows the perfect fight - fear, but confidence, strength and the last thread of light weaving its way through the darkness. Today, I feel like a fighter, but not the type of fighter that rides upon a horse and charges Orcs. The type of fighter that fights for something on a more spiritual level.

Faithfulness was the second to last Fruit of the Spirit I learned about as an itty, bitty girl. I feel bad for my poor Sunday school teachers, whom had to teach me and the rest of my friends what faithfulness was. How exactly, does one explain faithfulness to a group of first or second graders? Mercy me, I do not know how they accomplished it. But, I remember it all the same. Faithfulness was similar to obedience; it was like making a promise and following it through - like if we said we were going to clean our room, we had to remain faithful and actually do it, instead of just saying that we'd do it. Faithfulness was being loyal, like how our dogs always loved us no matter what. At least, that's what I remember it as.

Faithfulness has changed. Or, rather, I have changed and my view of faithfulness too has changed. I no longer see it as just cleaning my room or being like a dog. I see it as being loyal and steadfast and constant. Just the other day my dad and I were having a conversation about faithfulness and we both agreed that faithfulness wasn't just meant for married couples being faithful towards each other. Faithfulness could be applied to God, in every single way.

For example, I went through a really hard time for a couple of years. God wasn't saying much - in fact, He wasn't saying anything. I hated praying to Him, because it felt like praying to a wall. I hated reading my Bible, because it seemed empty and lifeless in my hands. I hated going to youth group, because I felt as if it was blah blah words being thrown at me while I tried to dodge them. Everything felt stupid all of a sudden. But want to know where this story gets really sad? I wasn't being faithful to God. I was too busy being distracted by boys and friends and life, for that matter. I was too busy focusing on those things, that I wasn't being faithful to God. I was cheating on Him...the being that laid down their life for me...and I was cheating on Him. I was cheating on the Creator of the Universe...the Father of my life...the person that would wipe my slate clean after I had stained it red with sin. I was being faithless.

I can't imagine cheating on my husband for another man...so why on earth did I try and cheat on God with satan? Satan is a poop... he's a poop like Sauron is a poop. And you want to know who I am? I am Boromir. I am sinful and selfish and faithless a lot of the time, just like Boromir was. I have a feeling a lot of us are Boromirs. But...do you want to know what the best thing about Boromir is? In the end, Boromir lays down his life to protect the Ring and the other Hobbits. In the end, Boromir realizes his mistake and becomes faithful once again!

I think our stories are a lot like that. I think we are the Boromir's of our lives and God is the Gandalf. I think we spend a lot of our time getting distracted by things of this world, instead of things not of this world. I know for a fact that a lot of us spend our days sinning, and eventually, we realize we need to stop being pushed around, so we fight back. We fight back like Boromir, taking arrows to the chest but still standing strong to protect what we know is right. Eventually we wander back to faithfulness because we are reminded why we are here - for the Lord's purpose. I guess what I'm trying to say is, stop trying to get the Ring (sin), turn around and fight for faithfulness.

But you, the ones who held tight to God, your God, are alive and well, every one of you, today. - Deuteronomy 4:4