Addicted

Well, it's nice to finally meet you.

I've been waiting for your call.

I've noticed you've been crying,

And, I've watched you pace the halls.

Whatever has been hurting you,

I can make it disappear.

You know you have nothing to lose, 

Nothing to live for, nothing to fear.

Thank you, for your invention.

I'll be sure not to leave your side.

We'll become very fast acquainted.

My naive child, there's no use trying to hide.

I should probably introduce myself.

I am your very own addiction.

But, you cannot be angry with me.

I am your own self-conviction.

I bet you feel rather stupid,

Falling right into my lap.

I'm a master at manipulation.

You'll never escape my trap.

How does it feel to dance with the devil?

For he and I are one in the same.

You think God has completely abandoned you,

So, you might as well stay in the game.

Are you honestly going to try and beat me?

A useless battle if you want to know.

Go ahead and make an attempt.

Besides, I'm in the mood for a good show.

I guess, you think your special.

But, your sobriety has only lasted a year.

I'm still around every corner,

In the back of your mind

I'm your greatest fear.

I'll always be your dirty little secret.

I won't disappear over time.

Twenty years from now you may falter,

And, I'll be the first thing that comes to mind.

A vicious cycle, that’s what your thinking,

But, I'm only speaking the truth.

I'm satan's weapon of mass destruction.

The silent killer of America's youth.

It's genius when you think of it.

Everyone's looking for satan's war.

But, what the fools don't realize,

Is everyday satan walks through their front door

"The Voice of Addiction" by Carrie Roush

That poem seems kind of depressing sometimes, doesn't it? I can tell you in utter and complete honesty I have read it about a dozen times in only the past few minutes. Want to know how I stumbled upon it? Well of course you do, that's half the adventure! I stumbled upon that poem when I had a very interesting revelation and conviction of my own. Over the past week, I have been staying with a bunch of friends, and I must say it has been a blast, but it's also changed my life and made me recognize things. During that week, all I did was write and play Bioshock (because what else is a girl gonna do with her free time?!) and listen to music. That's all I did. From nine thirty in the morning to two in the morning, the only thing I did was write, with a little bit of Bioshock thrown in here and there. I looked up that poem, because I was beginning to notice that I was getting intensely focused upon my writing.

For all of my dear readers and friends that don't know, my favorite thing to do is write. I write everything, from prayers to journal entries to stories to just random little rhymes that come up in my head upon a whim. Writing is my life. I do it first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Oh yeah, and I basically do it all the time! While writing is my passion (and the greatest thing of all time!), sometimes I can get a little insane with it. I don't mean to say that I suddenly start writing bizarre things, I mean to say that sometimes writing comes before other, more important things. Sometimes writing becomes my idol.

In other words, writing becomes my own personal form of heroine - my addiction.

As I look at life, I can't help but notice how many different forms of idolization there are. Too many to count, I can assure you. Do you struggle with idols? Because I sure do. Perhaps you struggle with idolizing sports ("But sports are my outlet!", you say) or you idolize your family or spouse ("My family is my family - idolizing them and my spouse isn't possible; besides, it's a noble thing to want to take care of them." you add), or maybe you idolize your hobbies (for example, I tend to idolize writing) or people or food; perhaps you idolize TV, texting, Facebook, your email or your job. And maybe, you idolize sex, drugs, and alcohol. There are too many things to count; too many idolizing lusts to keep track of. But I can tell you (even if I don't know you), that you most definitely do have an idol. Think I'm wrong? Well guess what! I believe every single person on earth has an idol, even if the idol is a noble thing, such as being brave or taking care of one's family. 

What is an "idol" you ask? I'm glad you asked! An "idol" is whatever can cause you to pick something before and over God. For example, this past week I was choosing to write over seriously doing my devotionals. I just did a little here and a little there, instead of fully investing my time into God. I was giving in to my addiction. Have you figured out what your idol is? Chances are it could be staring you right in the face, which in a way, is sort of sad to imagine. It's almost too easy to find an idol - or six.

If you know what your idol is, what your addiction is, then I really only have one piece of advice to give to you: abandon it. That's right, abandon it. Instead of turning all your time to your addiction, turn it to God, where your time should be devoted. We have so little time on this earth, and knowing that we spent it purely on petty things feels like a slap in the face. So if you have an idol, turn your attention away from the idol and focus it on God, because that's where it should be. Your eyes shouldn't be on your addiction, but on the Creator - the one that gave you hope and love and passion and courage. For some reason we, as humans, focus all of our attention on the beautiful creation around us and the things that this world provides, when really, we're missing out on gazing upon the Creator and getting to spend time with Him. Good gracious, if my dad walked into a room I wouldn't just gaze upon his shirt - I'd gaze upon him, because he's my dad, and just looking at his shirt is ridiculous. It's the same way with idols and addictions. We spend all of our time looking at these objects, instead of looking at the greater picture.

The bible says,

"And all this because they traded the true God for a fake god, and worshiped the god they made instead of the God who made them—the God we bless, the God who blesses us. Oh, yes!" Romans 1:25

In our addictions and idols, we trade our true God for a fake God, one that satan uses to drive us away from God and the absolute awesomeness He hones. Basically what I'm saying, is to cast your idols back and instead draw closer to God. Put Him first, instead of things that might not mean anything in the next couple of years. You know what also happens when you put God first instead of your addictions? A sense of freedom. You are cut loose from satan's noose, and put into a world where people walk free. Don't take that for granted and mistake satan's slavery from Jesus' freedom.

I told you that I had an "addiction" to writing. And I most definitely do. But you know what? When I realized that I did, I was in the middle of writing a story I had been working on nonstop for days. Guess what the first thing I did was? Put down my story, pick up my bible and go in for a long read and spend some time in prayer. I can tell you with the most passion I can muster, that that was much more worth it, then working on a story. Talk about freedom.

I used to imagine it was hard to be free

That hopelessness and wandering were all You had for me

I had these addictions.

I had these convictions.

I had these idols, that whispered in my ear.

I used to listen; I could always hear.

But then one day, things changed. 

I grew up; You rearranged.

You tore down my chains.

Took away all of these pains.

I had been trapped and torn.

Full of wounds and all but worn.

I had these addictions.

I had these convictions.

But You came and rescued me.

I am no longer bound; I am completely and totally

FREE

Identity Theft

Sometimes I really hate watching TV. Sometimes I hate listening to music. Sometimes I hate going onto Facebook. Sometimes I hate reading books, and reading is my most favorite thing to do. I'm not saying that I specifically hate each and every one of those things, I'm saying that I hate doing them (i.e. watching TV, listening to music, etc.). Not because they're bad or sinful - because they're not - but because of what can come from them. Because in every book, in every song, in every show and movie and in nearly every single Facebook post, there is something to do with identity.

Have you ever noticed that you're searching for a group to belong to? For example, a person that's really athletic gets put into the "sports" group, and their identity becomes their sport. Or a guy that's artistic and dresses nice gets put into the "gay" group because he isn't interested in four-wheelin' and basketball. Or an accidentally flirty girl gets put into the "sex" group because she seems ditzy and floozy; and so on and so on. And eventually these "stereotypes" and "groups" don't become groups or stereotypes anymore, but instead they become one's identity. Kind of like how when a duck and a beaver get cozy, they aren't just a duck and a beaver anymore, they're a platypus. I'm not saying that having an identity is wrong, because our identity is what makes us who we are. But it's what your identity is in that effects the way you live.

I'm a Pastor's Kid, so a lot of people tend to stereotype me into the "Preacher's Daughter" group. In the world's view, I can either go off the deep end and be all Footloose style, or I can be that weird little girl with her forty cats that runs around her house singing "Jesus Loves Me". That's where people expect my "identity" to be. And there was a time that I believed I would be one of those two things, because sometimes when your identity is set out for you by others or what you think "suits" you, you start to believe it.

I once knew a person that was really fantastic; brilliant, even. I thought they were pretty cool, and they were. But they started getting stereotyped into this group, and eventually they decided that they actually liked that group, so that group became their identity. And let me tell you, it wasn't a good identity. It had no bragging rights; it certainly didn't sound nice, and it definitely wasn't right for them. Do you ever have problems like that? Have you put yourself in a group where your identity is something worldly? Because when that happens, your identity gets warped and gnarled. Suddenly your "identity" seems pretty ugly. Or perhaps your hobby suddenly becomes your identity; your soccer team isn't just a couple of nights of week to blow off some steam and have fun, but something you poor your soul into when you should be pouring your soul into your faith.

While having identity in worldly things is bad, there is an identity that is actually good (believe it or not!). That identity, is your identity in Christ. We aren't of this world! We are part of God's world; we are part of a great, eternal thing with a master that blazes brighter than the most magnificent star. We aren't part of this world, yet we try to force ourselves into unhealthy and unwise identities of this world. We aren't supposed to have identities in sports, jobs, people, things, ideas or culture; our identities are supposed to be in God, and God alone. 

Making up excuses yet? "But I love my job; it's what I do with my time!" "This group is just so much more accepting... I know they go against what God says, but I'd rather be with them!" "This guy is just so perfect." "Soccer and football is where I devote my time; it's just who I am." Excuses excuses! Those are hobbies, not your identities. God should be your one and only true identity and not your hobby, because through Him and only Him, are we no longer zombies walking around in an already dead world; we are renewed and brought back to life. We need to be the poison to our worldly identities, not the medicine that only makes them take over our lives more and more.

Did you know that satan could use your worldly identities? Oh yes, he's pretty clever like that! He takes things that can distract us and pull us away from God and manipulates them against us. He tries to be our identity theft, when really God should be the one stealing away our identity. He uses whatever he can get, to bring us down. He tried to use my Pastor's Kid status to either get me to go AWOL, or to get me to be a failure in my faith. But guess what? I'm not going to let him win, so neither should you! Take hold of your life and put your identity in God. Don't put your identity in something that will disappear in the next few years and mean nothing in the Kingdom of Heaven.

So what's your identity in?

"For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus. And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have put on Christ, like putting on new clothes." Galatians 3:26-27

Spiders

I had an exciting adventure today. What I mean by "exciting" is: absolutely terrifying, life-threatening, horrifying, and heart-stopping. What was my exciting adventure exactly? Well, let me tell you! It began with me driving to Starbucks. I was going to have a relaxing drive, full of music that made me feel like I was in an Indie Film. It was going to be simple and peaceful. Too bad it was anything but peaceful! Instead of having a nice drive, it was ruined by a spider. Yes, a spider. A stupid, little (scary) spider. In case you don't already know, spiders are my worst fear. I hate spiders more than anything else. So when this little spider crawled up on my window (right by my face, might I add), I pretty much freaked out. I screamed and tried to put quite the amount of distance between myself and this "terrifying" spider. Instead of rolling my window down or pulling over on the side of the road to get the spider out of my car like a normal person would've done, I kept driving. I thought maybe he could just stay put or move somewhere else, at least till I got to Starbucks, which was only five minutes away. But this spider had other plans. Instead of staying put like he was supposed to, he sprang at me! You can imagine my terror, I'm sure. I screamed, nearly jumped out of my seat and swerved the car. I know, I know... What was I thinking?! I could've gotten myself or someone else killed! Thankfully for me, there were no other cars on the road I was on, and also, the spider didn't land on me. Crisis avoided!

But, avoiding a spider and acting crazy isn't the moral of my story. I can't just walk away from something like that and only think to myself: "Well, next time I'll make sure to just pull over!" That's much too easy, wouldn't you agree? The moral of the story is not looking at something small, and letting it run your life. I looked at the spider and let it effect the way I drove and the way I was acting in that situation. Sometimes I think we do that in life, too. I think that something small happens - someone acts out of context, we lose our cool, our boss does something we don't approve of, our leader decides to make a choice that we don't fully agree with, or we have a small issue with the way people are doing things - and we take it to the next level. We let it affect how we act, how we appear and how we talk. We let something small take over our lives and rule the way we live.

Maybe you've had something like that happen to you before? Have you ever been in a situation that isn't very serious, but you allow it to blow out of proportion? I can assure you that it happens to all of us, and I have allowed moments that aren't very bad to get a hold of me and drag me down, even though it was really little and not all that important. Your moment that you let rule your life, is your "spider", so to speak. Instead of dragging your mind away from the situation (smacking the spider away) or asking God to help you with it (rolling your window down), you fall head first into a disaster that you helped create (swerving the car).

Did you know that God places bad things in our life sometimes, and that sometimes He also places those little insignificant moments that we sometimes blow out of proportion? Yep, sometimes that's God, and He does it for a reason. My best advice would be to look towards God in all of these times. Instead of allowing your emotions or thoughts or opinions jump out of you, turn to God. Pray that He would take hold of you and help you not allow that moment to expand into something it wasn't to begin with. Don't let satan use your emotions or words to turn your back on God and disobey Him. The Bible says,

And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. - Colossians 3:15

Did you just read that correctly, my dear friend? It says that we need to let the peace that comes from God rule in our hearts. This means allowing God to rule over us and our hearts instead of nonsensical situations or silly moments. Not only that, but the verse calls us to be peaceful with the ones we are around. In other words, people that can sometimes help create those situations don't need to be yelled at or told how wrong they are; they need to be excepted. And finally, I think the last part of that verse is pretty self-explanatory.

Always be thankful, even for the spiders.

Convicted

I feel as if I spend a whole lot of my life searching. I can't say what exactly I'm searching for, because I don't really know. Yet, I always feel like I'm searching. One of the things that I was searching for was a church. I know, I know, me, a pastor's daughter, searching for a church? Well, yes. Yes, I was searching for a church. Not because I didn't like the church my dad pastors at, but because I wanted to have a church all to myself - I wanted to find a church for myself, instead of being thrown into one without choice. Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever feel like you're searching for a church, a person, a place or some form of a thought that you keep trying to grasp at but never can? Like your church isn't meeting your needs or your spouse just isn't good enough or the place you thought you'd be happy just isn't actually making you happy?

I have to say that I felt this way about a month ago. I was searching for something to meet my needs, and only now do I realize how selfish I really was. Which was why, I began going to other churches aside from the one my dad pastors. I wanted something to specifically call my own. Which again, still makes my motives quietly selfish. So I began going to a super awesome church - I'm talking the race horse of all churches - the big cheese of all churches. Pretty much the greatest, and most popular church out there. I will be completely honest in saying that I fell in love with this church. I loved going with my friends and doing something for myself and going somewhere I wanted to go. It was probably some of the best times ever.

And then, it hit me. Not too long ago I was doing my devotions and a rather startling thought came into my mind. I realized that I didn't belong at the church I had been attending outside of the one my dad pastored. I realized that while I did love my new church, the church that my family was at was the church I belonged to. I was already invested into that church - I was serving there, going to youth group there, being involved in the bible studies. So, why was I trying to force myself into a church that wasn't really my church? It was hard to come to terms with this, and a part of me didn't want to think that way. Still, I was being convicted. God was convicting me because I was pulling away from the church I was invested in, and satan was trying to tug me away from the place I was most needed. While going to another church isn't bad, it's the motives that made it bad. I wanted a break - I wanted something for myself - I wanted my own adventure. And while those may seem okay, they aren't, because I was missing opportunities in my own ministry. At the other church, I was just a person that came and went on a Sunday morning. At my church, I was a warrior in a battle, bringing the Good News to the people around me. I was missing the chance to get to be invested in by my elders and missing the opportunity to invest into the younger girls that God had placed in my life.

I bet you've had that same feeling, right? Been unhappy with something so try to run from it? Run in the other direction, yet? Yeah, me too. I've tried, and it doesn't really work the way I had planned. I wanted to go to the other church because I wanted to choose something for myself - I wanted to experience something different. But I found out that it wasn't what I actually needed, and definitely not what God needed from me. My job as God's child - as God's warrior - isn't to go around searching for the next best thing, but to stay planted where my roots are and where God has called me to be serving Him. I had made a commitment to the church I was planted in, and when I suddenly tried to tug away from my home church, I was doing exactly what satan wanted me to do, which was let the Lord down. I was breaking a commitment in front of God because of the idea of something better coming along the way down the road. Which, might I say, was very, very, very wrong of me.

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

So I guess you can say that I wasn't being very committed, and yes, eventually, I was convicted. If you feel a tugging in your chest when you're going to a different church, or spending time with the wrong people, or bouncing from place to place or person to person in search of the "next best thing", then stop. That's God, and He's telling you to dig down deep and plant your roots where you are, because that's exactly where He has you, and He has you there for a reason, even if you can't see the whole picture yet. If you're convicted, then it's time for a change.

The Smiths and 12 Ounces of Tea

Today is a Smiths and 12 ounces of tea type of day. You know, the day where you just feel like you want to crawl in bed and hibernate for the rest of your life. That type of day where you snuggle into your covers and sweatshirt with a large mug of tea, listen to "Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want" by The Smiths and wallow in your misery, because life hasn't been all that great this past week. It's a cuddle with your teddy bear type of day, at least it is for me. It hasn't been the best of weeks that I've ever had.

As the end of this week comes around, I'm pretty sure it has been the worst week of my entire life. Every single day starting from last Sunday to this Sunday has housed something incredibly bad in it. Never in my entire life have so many uncontrollably bad things happened in one solid week. I'm pretty sure I've broken a record with all time badness in a seven day span! Last Sunday I found out a crazy piece of information about a close friend; Monday I had a huge fight with my little brother; Tuesday I had one of the biggest fights I've ever had with my best friend; Wednesday I got so sick I was up all night leaning over the toilet, waiting - and praying - for Jesus to take me home before I threw up my guts; Thursday I was sick with a swollen belly and the feeling of needing to puke every couple minutes; Friday I nearly passed out at work from exhaustion and still had a swollen tummy; Saturday I found out my email to my professor about my midterm didn't send; today (Sunday once again) I found out I might not even get a chance at my midterm, because I still haven't heard anything back from my teacher. And to top it all off, Mother Nature decided to deliver her little package of horror to me last Sunday evening.

Do you ever have weeks like that? Weeks where everything just seems to be going wrong and bad? Weeks where the world definitely feels like it's crumbling down around you? Weeks where practically nothing can seem to be remotely normal or proper or right? Good to know, because I am here to tell you that you are not alone, not even in the slightest. If you had a week like I did, then I have got something mighty important to tell you. While you may think that God is trying to lay burdens upon you, do not be fooled by evil! You are under the attack of the devil, and he is clawing at your insides and threatening to break your happy-Jesus streak. And if you are under attack, congratulations, because it means you did something to make satan angry; it means you did something godly, something for the Kingdom.

I will tell you right now that if you had asked me in the beginning of the week if I felt like I was under attack and just needed to stand strong, I would've told you "yes". On Sunday evening and even on Monday I was feeling pretty fearless; I could face the world and take it by the horns. Now if you had asked me if I was under attack in the middle of the week on Tuesday or Wednesday, I would've told you that God was trying to challenge me or make me suffer. If you asked me Friday or Saturday I would've told you the same thing, along with pouting and wandering around like a kicked puppy because of the doubt of God in my mind. If you asked me this morning, about a couple hours ago, I would've told you that there was no way in all this earth that I could be fearless and that something was obviously wrong. If you asked me now, I'd finally tell you a real, desirable answer. I'd tell you "Yes, I am under attack. I've no idea why I've made satan so angry, but I sure hope I ruined his week too! I do not feel fearless, but my God is fearless, and He can carry me through hard times.".

If you are at the beginning of the week and something bad is happening, don't let yourself get too cocky in the beginning of the week like I did, feeling far too fearless for sense. If you are in the middle of the week, don't allow yourself to wallow in your misery like I did. If you are at the end of the week, don't sit and have a pity party like I so wrongly did. Hold your chin up! Chase out satan! Shout out loud "NO" at him, because he can't take you away and he won't pull you down to his level. Things may seem like they are falling down around you, and sometimes there will be hard weeks, months, and even years, but it's because you are destined for greatness and have seriously enraged satan. If things seem like they aren't going the way you think they should, don't worry, because God has something planned for you that is even better than you thought, and definitely better than the time of hardship you are going through. A quote I once saw said, "All great changes are preceded by chaos." You know what that means? It means that all the great things God has planned for you...all the great things you are going to do in His Glory will follow out and will happen, but only after the storm rages. So let the storm rage, but do not let satan drown you in the rain. Instead, dance through the thunder and lightning and pounding rain and hold your head up high in the battle, because making satan angry means you are making God joyful - joyful!

I can't tell you if I'm nearing the end of my raging storm or not, or if satan's attack is going to subside right now or in three weeks from now. I can't really say even if this is the hardest part of the storm or the calmest. I wish that I knew the answers, because I don't know when you will have a storm or when it will end or how long it will go for. But I can tell you that if you are tired - if you are exhausted - if you are falling to your knees in fatigue - if you are having difficulty dancing through the storm, Jesus has provided us with a simple answer. It says:

"Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Did you just read those words properly? It says "Come to me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest." If we come to Him during this time of hardship and attack, then He will give us glorious, protected, sweet rest. I can't even begin to explain how perfect that rest sounds, and how all I need to do to get it is go to Jesus. I believe that during my week of insanity I pulled away from God a little bit, lowering my shield, and in doing so I was leapt upon by the enemy. It's been a tough, long week but as it ends, I can't help but notice my strength replenishing little by little. I feel as if I am standing to my feet and bracing myself for the battle to throw itself at me, because God is on my side and He is my Protector.

There will be days when the world seems to be crumpling before your eyes, and days where you do fight with your best friend or get sick or don't get a good grade, and those are days where satan is trying to get at you because he knows you are going to do something great one of these days. I say to you now, you can rise above these difficult times, and not with great Smiths music or 12 ounces of tea (although that is wonderful), but instead with worship music, the Word and the Lord. In the beautiful words of Colton Dixon, "When your heart is cold and you feel you're letting go, you can rise above the world. You can rise above the world, tonight."

So rise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dyO2ph1vaA

Dancing Through the Storm

I'm 100% sure that finding out exactly what you least want to know is a terrible way to spend your morning. Actually, I'm 100% sure that finding out exactly what you least want to know is a terrible way to spend your once lovely morning. I  mean, things were going so good and why does something that seems os good have to be ruined by something so not good? At first it seems surreal, and you silently ask yourself: "Is this real?" "Is this really happening?" and then you kind of feel like you need fresh air and that suddenly everything is pressing in too close and this feeling of claustrophobia washes over you. And then your once wonderful morning seems like a terrible morning and you're pretty sure that you just want to go home...and crawl under a blanket...and sleep forever...and ever...and ever. So then you have this sinking feeling in your belly and everything seems dream-like and you start asking, "Why God? Why after I have been praying about this for months would you take away the one thing that I wanted most? The one thing that I actually asked for, why would you take it away?" If you find yourself asking those same questions and having the same feelings...welcome to the club. Something similar happened to me like that, and I felt like a deflated balloon afterwards. I was hurt and upset and really, could my morning have gotten any worse than having my hopes crushed and my prayers thrown back at me like yesterday's leftovers? It felt like my sunny days had suddenly turned stormy and my happiness was beginning to get stolen away.

At the beginning of my emotional turmoil, I really did feel like my whole world was beginning to crash down around me. But why? I was doing so well and doing so good with God and then all of a sudden it seemed like things just weren't going the right way they should be. As soon as I was pretty sure that I wanted to just plop myself down and grovel in my misery (it's okay if you think it's pathetic, because trust me, it was!), the Lord's Prayer popped spectacularly in my head. I said it over in my mind, repeating the words: "Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen."(Matthew 6:9-13) My mind got stuck on the line: "thy will be done in earth" and it felt like an arrow to the chest. After all my praying and focusing on God, as soon as things weren't going the way I thought I saw fit, I began to give up on Him. His will, no matter what I think or want, will be done. 

With things not going the way I wanted them to go, I was suddenly blaming God. But why should I blame Him when He only has my best interest? Why should I get upset and want to have a pity party, when God is doing something wonderful and I just can't see the whole picture? I was so blinded by my wants and by my own emotion that I didn't immediately run to the idea that God had bigger and even better plans for me than the ones I was already trying to make for myself. He knows the plans He has for me, and He knows the desires of my heart and the things that I long for. After thinking over the rather...exciting?...experience that I went through that morning, I finally realized that I do want a lot of things, and while the door may seem like it is closing, I need to trust God with whatever my future may hold.

In the storm, when the rain seems to be crashing down around you and the thunder is rumbling throughout your land and the lightning is threatening to kill you, do not stand there and wait for the worst to happen. Dance through the storm and praise the Lord in the rain! Hardships will always come our way, for we are in a constant battle. Yes, sometimes we can feel the pain and confusion reverberating through our entire body, but do not let it slow you down, do not let the enemy take you! If you have been walking upright in the Lord and fall when something bad happens, then praise Him on your knees! If one door closes and you are waiting for the other to open, then praise Him in the hallway! If you lose a family member, praise Him. If a relationship ends, praise Him. If your prayers don't get answered and He closes doors, praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him in the storm and praise Him on the sunny days.

I guess I started this story saying how things don't always go the way we plan them. And sometimes we have to go through a little suffering to push through the battle. We are warriors and we need to arm ourselves with the full Armor of God and not let satan push us around like some little, weak rag doll. We have God on our side! We have angels guarding us! We must praise Him always, no matter what circumstance. We must not allow satan to trick us into pulling ourselves away from God, because where's the wisdom and happiness in that? Stand strong and put up your shield and praise Him upon the battle ground.

"A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so that you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body of armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere." Ephesians 6:10-19

Scared Stiff

Fear. It's crippling. It's that feeling you get when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, alerting you to some evil lurking beneath your very nose. It's that feeling you get when you're walking through a dark house and you feel a pair of sinister eyes resting upon you. You feel it every day. You have a fear of getting into a car accident, of being taken, of losing a job, of losing a person. We all have these fears. And while there are some fears that ought to be feared, there are some that we are foolish towards. Sometimes we fear the dumbest thing...the most irrational thing, but it feels so heart-wrenching and threatening that we can't help but fear it. The thing we fear? The voice of God.

Isn't it crazy that the one being that cares more about us than anyone else, that houses more love for us than an entire world of love, we fear when He speaks to us? I'm not talking about fearing God (for we should fear disappointing him), I'm talking about fearing how He convicts us and orders us. Isn't it crazy, that we push back when God orders us to do something, but when we want Him to do something for us, then suddenly He's our best friend?

I won't ever deny that I had irrational fears about what God was saying. In fact, I have irrational fears all the time. My most recent fear was pertaining to singing for worship band. I know, I know...why should someone be afraid of singing? If you would've asked me a few months ago, I'm sure I could've given you a whole slew of answers...or excuses. Now, back to my story! When I was in the seventh or eighth grade, I sang a song for a talent show, surprising a lot of people since I was still new to the youth group and such (don't ask me where I got the courage to do so, because I'm still not sure). My youth pastor encouraged me to join the youth band, and I politely declined, saying that worship band just wasn't my thing. In high school, I was once again prodded to join the worship band. And, if you hadn't already suspected, I once again, declined. Seeing a pattern here? Because I was asked again, a couple times more, and with each passing time, I said no. Then, one day, as I was doing my devotions, I was praying and I realized that I had been going against God's will... I had been ignoring what God was saying and was having an irrational fear about joining worship band. He had been prodding me and giving me opportunities to serve Him and worship Him, and each time I threw them back in His face because I was letting my own fear rule my judgement. Who am I, that I should argue against the Lord and allow satan to pour fear into my life?

That sounds like a pretty awful story, doesn't it? Yes, I would agree! But, it gets better, because of the good grace of God. About a month ago, the head of the youth group worship band asked me if I would in any way, be willing to join. I'm pretty sure that I was under the influence of the Lord, or He took over my ability to speak, because I answered without hesitating, saying, "Yes" like that had been my hope and dream for years and years. Honestly, I shocked myself when the word escaped my lips. So, right then began the journey of singing for worship band. That night, I went home and told my parents about it (to which they were much delighted), and it didn't really hit me that I was going to sing for worship band till I was half delirious with sleep, and then I realized: I am singing for worship band...have I done something crazy?!

Have you ever had that before? Have you ever had God pushing and pulling at you, trying to get you to do something out of your comfort zone, but you say no because you are afraid? Because you are scared stiff? Sometimes God tells you to go across the world and serve Him in a different country, and sometimes God just tells you to go and talk to the new person at church or school, and perhaps, all He tells you, is to go up and praise Him. Whatever God is telling you, I say to you now, go and do what He asks - go and do what He orders! Do not fear what God is urging you to do, because He knows exactly what His plans for you are. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Did you just read that properly?! You know what it says?! It says that God will tell you what He wants you to do, but in the end, He will "give you the future you hope for". So why do you fear God's plans for you when His utmost plan is to give you a bright future?

I was terrified to join worship band... I was, dare I say it, scared stiff. It was pretty much my worst fear to get out in front of everyone and sing. My worst fear. If God has called you to do something that you're afraid of, do not lose the opportunity to worship Him and exalt Him and change lives in His glory... jump in headfirst! Do not be afraid, for God will walk beside you every step of the way. Pray for Him to shake up your world, and pray that He would help give you a courageous heart.

"Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and take courage, for God knows the plans He has for you, and He won't let you down or leave you. If you ever feel like God is leading you towards something you're scared stiff to do, all the more reason why you should do it. Be strong and courageous, be strong and courageous, be strong and courageous.

P.S. I thought I would tell you that in the end, I ended up singing for worship band, and it was the best choice of my entire life, and it was a joy, to get to serve the Lord through song. Praise Jesus!