I'm 100% sure that finding out exactly what you least want to know is a terrible way to spend your morning. Actually, I'm 100% sure that finding out exactly what you least want to know is a terrible way to spend your once lovely morning. I mean, things were going so good and why does something that seems os good have to be ruined by something so not good? At first it seems surreal, and you silently ask yourself: "Is this real?" "Is this really happening?" and then you kind of feel like you need fresh air and that suddenly everything is pressing in too close and this feeling of claustrophobia washes over you. And then your once wonderful morning seems like a terrible morning and you're pretty sure that you just want to go home...and crawl under a blanket...and sleep forever...and ever...and ever. So then you have this sinking feeling in your belly and everything seems dream-like and you start asking, "Why God? Why after I have been praying about this for months would you take away the one thing that I wanted most? The one thing that I actually asked for, why would you take it away?" If you find yourself asking those same questions and having the same feelings...welcome to the club. Something similar happened to me like that, and I felt like a deflated balloon afterwards. I was hurt and upset and really, could my morning have gotten any worse than having my hopes crushed and my prayers thrown back at me like yesterday's leftovers? It felt like my sunny days had suddenly turned stormy and my happiness was beginning to get stolen away.
At the beginning of my emotional turmoil, I really did feel like my whole world was beginning to crash down around me. But why? I was doing so well and doing so good with God and then all of a sudden it seemed like things just weren't going the right way they should be. As soon as I was pretty sure that I wanted to just plop myself down and grovel in my misery (it's okay if you think it's pathetic, because trust me, it was!), the Lord's Prayer popped spectacularly in my head. I said it over in my mind, repeating the words: "Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen."(Matthew 6:9-13) My mind got stuck on the line: "thy will be done in earth" and it felt like an arrow to the chest. After all my praying and focusing on God, as soon as things weren't going the way I thought I saw fit, I began to give up on Him. His will, no matter what I think or want, will be done.
With things not going the way I wanted them to go, I was suddenly blaming God. But why should I blame Him when He only has my best interest? Why should I get upset and want to have a pity party, when God is doing something wonderful and I just can't see the whole picture? I was so blinded by my wants and by my own emotion that I didn't immediately run to the idea that God had bigger and even better plans for me than the ones I was already trying to make for myself. He knows the plans He has for me, and He knows the desires of my heart and the things that I long for. After thinking over the rather...exciting?...experience that I went through that morning, I finally realized that I do want a lot of things, and while the door may seem like it is closing, I need to trust God with whatever my future may hold.
In the storm, when the rain seems to be crashing down around you and the thunder is rumbling throughout your land and the lightning is threatening to kill you, do not stand there and wait for the worst to happen. Dance through the storm and praise the Lord in the rain! Hardships will always come our way, for we are in a constant battle. Yes, sometimes we can feel the pain and confusion reverberating through our entire body, but do not let it slow you down, do not let the enemy take you! If you have been walking upright in the Lord and fall when something bad happens, then praise Him on your knees! If one door closes and you are waiting for the other to open, then praise Him in the hallway! If you lose a family member, praise Him. If a relationship ends, praise Him. If your prayers don't get answered and He closes doors, praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him in the storm and praise Him on the sunny days.
I guess I started this story saying how things don't always go the way we plan them. And sometimes we have to go through a little suffering to push through the battle. We are warriors and we need to arm ourselves with the full Armor of God and not let satan push us around like some little, weak rag doll. We have God on our side! We have angels guarding us! We must praise Him always, no matter what circumstance. We must not allow satan to trick us into pulling ourselves away from God, because where's the wisdom and happiness in that? Stand strong and put up your shield and praise Him upon the battle ground.
"A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so that you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body of armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere." Ephesians 6:10-19
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