Convicted

I feel as if I spend a whole lot of my life searching. I can't say what exactly I'm searching for, because I don't really know. Yet, I always feel like I'm searching. One of the things that I was searching for was a church. I know, I know, me, a pastor's daughter, searching for a church? Well, yes. Yes, I was searching for a church. Not because I didn't like the church my dad pastors at, but because I wanted to have a church all to myself - I wanted to find a church for myself, instead of being thrown into one without choice. Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever feel like you're searching for a church, a person, a place or some form of a thought that you keep trying to grasp at but never can? Like your church isn't meeting your needs or your spouse just isn't good enough or the place you thought you'd be happy just isn't actually making you happy?

I have to say that I felt this way about a month ago. I was searching for something to meet my needs, and only now do I realize how selfish I really was. Which was why, I began going to other churches aside from the one my dad pastors. I wanted something to specifically call my own. Which again, still makes my motives quietly selfish. So I began going to a super awesome church - I'm talking the race horse of all churches - the big cheese of all churches. Pretty much the greatest, and most popular church out there. I will be completely honest in saying that I fell in love with this church. I loved going with my friends and doing something for myself and going somewhere I wanted to go. It was probably some of the best times ever.

And then, it hit me. Not too long ago I was doing my devotions and a rather startling thought came into my mind. I realized that I didn't belong at the church I had been attending outside of the one my dad pastored. I realized that while I did love my new church, the church that my family was at was the church I belonged to. I was already invested into that church - I was serving there, going to youth group there, being involved in the bible studies. So, why was I trying to force myself into a church that wasn't really my church? It was hard to come to terms with this, and a part of me didn't want to think that way. Still, I was being convicted. God was convicting me because I was pulling away from the church I was invested in, and satan was trying to tug me away from the place I was most needed. While going to another church isn't bad, it's the motives that made it bad. I wanted a break - I wanted something for myself - I wanted my own adventure. And while those may seem okay, they aren't, because I was missing opportunities in my own ministry. At the other church, I was just a person that came and went on a Sunday morning. At my church, I was a warrior in a battle, bringing the Good News to the people around me. I was missing the chance to get to be invested in by my elders and missing the opportunity to invest into the younger girls that God had placed in my life.

I bet you've had that same feeling, right? Been unhappy with something so try to run from it? Run in the other direction, yet? Yeah, me too. I've tried, and it doesn't really work the way I had planned. I wanted to go to the other church because I wanted to choose something for myself - I wanted to experience something different. But I found out that it wasn't what I actually needed, and definitely not what God needed from me. My job as God's child - as God's warrior - isn't to go around searching for the next best thing, but to stay planted where my roots are and where God has called me to be serving Him. I had made a commitment to the church I was planted in, and when I suddenly tried to tug away from my home church, I was doing exactly what satan wanted me to do, which was let the Lord down. I was breaking a commitment in front of God because of the idea of something better coming along the way down the road. Which, might I say, was very, very, very wrong of me.

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

So I guess you can say that I wasn't being very committed, and yes, eventually, I was convicted. If you feel a tugging in your chest when you're going to a different church, or spending time with the wrong people, or bouncing from place to place or person to person in search of the "next best thing", then stop. That's God, and He's telling you to dig down deep and plant your roots where you are, because that's exactly where He has you, and He has you there for a reason, even if you can't see the whole picture yet. If you're convicted, then it's time for a change.