Dancing Through the Storm

I'm 100% sure that finding out exactly what you least want to know is a terrible way to spend your morning. Actually, I'm 100% sure that finding out exactly what you least want to know is a terrible way to spend your once lovely morning. I  mean, things were going so good and why does something that seems os good have to be ruined by something so not good? At first it seems surreal, and you silently ask yourself: "Is this real?" "Is this really happening?" and then you kind of feel like you need fresh air and that suddenly everything is pressing in too close and this feeling of claustrophobia washes over you. And then your once wonderful morning seems like a terrible morning and you're pretty sure that you just want to go home...and crawl under a blanket...and sleep forever...and ever...and ever. So then you have this sinking feeling in your belly and everything seems dream-like and you start asking, "Why God? Why after I have been praying about this for months would you take away the one thing that I wanted most? The one thing that I actually asked for, why would you take it away?" If you find yourself asking those same questions and having the same feelings...welcome to the club. Something similar happened to me like that, and I felt like a deflated balloon afterwards. I was hurt and upset and really, could my morning have gotten any worse than having my hopes crushed and my prayers thrown back at me like yesterday's leftovers? It felt like my sunny days had suddenly turned stormy and my happiness was beginning to get stolen away.

At the beginning of my emotional turmoil, I really did feel like my whole world was beginning to crash down around me. But why? I was doing so well and doing so good with God and then all of a sudden it seemed like things just weren't going the right way they should be. As soon as I was pretty sure that I wanted to just plop myself down and grovel in my misery (it's okay if you think it's pathetic, because trust me, it was!), the Lord's Prayer popped spectacularly in my head. I said it over in my mind, repeating the words: "Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen."(Matthew 6:9-13) My mind got stuck on the line: "thy will be done in earth" and it felt like an arrow to the chest. After all my praying and focusing on God, as soon as things weren't going the way I thought I saw fit, I began to give up on Him. His will, no matter what I think or want, will be done. 

With things not going the way I wanted them to go, I was suddenly blaming God. But why should I blame Him when He only has my best interest? Why should I get upset and want to have a pity party, when God is doing something wonderful and I just can't see the whole picture? I was so blinded by my wants and by my own emotion that I didn't immediately run to the idea that God had bigger and even better plans for me than the ones I was already trying to make for myself. He knows the plans He has for me, and He knows the desires of my heart and the things that I long for. After thinking over the rather...exciting?...experience that I went through that morning, I finally realized that I do want a lot of things, and while the door may seem like it is closing, I need to trust God with whatever my future may hold.

In the storm, when the rain seems to be crashing down around you and the thunder is rumbling throughout your land and the lightning is threatening to kill you, do not stand there and wait for the worst to happen. Dance through the storm and praise the Lord in the rain! Hardships will always come our way, for we are in a constant battle. Yes, sometimes we can feel the pain and confusion reverberating through our entire body, but do not let it slow you down, do not let the enemy take you! If you have been walking upright in the Lord and fall when something bad happens, then praise Him on your knees! If one door closes and you are waiting for the other to open, then praise Him in the hallway! If you lose a family member, praise Him. If a relationship ends, praise Him. If your prayers don't get answered and He closes doors, praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him. Praise Him in the storm and praise Him on the sunny days.

I guess I started this story saying how things don't always go the way we plan them. And sometimes we have to go through a little suffering to push through the battle. We are warriors and we need to arm ourselves with the full Armor of God and not let satan push us around like some little, weak rag doll. We have God on our side! We have angels guarding us! We must praise Him always, no matter what circumstance. We must not allow satan to trick us into pulling ourselves away from God, because where's the wisdom and happiness in that? Stand strong and put up your shield and praise Him upon the battle ground.

"A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so that you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body of armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere." Ephesians 6:10-19

Scared Stiff

Fear. It's crippling. It's that feeling you get when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, alerting you to some evil lurking beneath your very nose. It's that feeling you get when you're walking through a dark house and you feel a pair of sinister eyes resting upon you. You feel it every day. You have a fear of getting into a car accident, of being taken, of losing a job, of losing a person. We all have these fears. And while there are some fears that ought to be feared, there are some that we are foolish towards. Sometimes we fear the dumbest thing...the most irrational thing, but it feels so heart-wrenching and threatening that we can't help but fear it. The thing we fear? The voice of God.

Isn't it crazy that the one being that cares more about us than anyone else, that houses more love for us than an entire world of love, we fear when He speaks to us? I'm not talking about fearing God (for we should fear disappointing him), I'm talking about fearing how He convicts us and orders us. Isn't it crazy, that we push back when God orders us to do something, but when we want Him to do something for us, then suddenly He's our best friend?

I won't ever deny that I had irrational fears about what God was saying. In fact, I have irrational fears all the time. My most recent fear was pertaining to singing for worship band. I know, I know...why should someone be afraid of singing? If you would've asked me a few months ago, I'm sure I could've given you a whole slew of answers...or excuses. Now, back to my story! When I was in the seventh or eighth grade, I sang a song for a talent show, surprising a lot of people since I was still new to the youth group and such (don't ask me where I got the courage to do so, because I'm still not sure). My youth pastor encouraged me to join the youth band, and I politely declined, saying that worship band just wasn't my thing. In high school, I was once again prodded to join the worship band. And, if you hadn't already suspected, I once again, declined. Seeing a pattern here? Because I was asked again, a couple times more, and with each passing time, I said no. Then, one day, as I was doing my devotions, I was praying and I realized that I had been going against God's will... I had been ignoring what God was saying and was having an irrational fear about joining worship band. He had been prodding me and giving me opportunities to serve Him and worship Him, and each time I threw them back in His face because I was letting my own fear rule my judgement. Who am I, that I should argue against the Lord and allow satan to pour fear into my life?

That sounds like a pretty awful story, doesn't it? Yes, I would agree! But, it gets better, because of the good grace of God. About a month ago, the head of the youth group worship band asked me if I would in any way, be willing to join. I'm pretty sure that I was under the influence of the Lord, or He took over my ability to speak, because I answered without hesitating, saying, "Yes" like that had been my hope and dream for years and years. Honestly, I shocked myself when the word escaped my lips. So, right then began the journey of singing for worship band. That night, I went home and told my parents about it (to which they were much delighted), and it didn't really hit me that I was going to sing for worship band till I was half delirious with sleep, and then I realized: I am singing for worship band...have I done something crazy?!

Have you ever had that before? Have you ever had God pushing and pulling at you, trying to get you to do something out of your comfort zone, but you say no because you are afraid? Because you are scared stiff? Sometimes God tells you to go across the world and serve Him in a different country, and sometimes God just tells you to go and talk to the new person at church or school, and perhaps, all He tells you, is to go up and praise Him. Whatever God is telling you, I say to you now, go and do what He asks - go and do what He orders! Do not fear what God is urging you to do, because He knows exactly what His plans for you are. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Did you just read that properly?! You know what it says?! It says that God will tell you what He wants you to do, but in the end, He will "give you the future you hope for". So why do you fear God's plans for you when His utmost plan is to give you a bright future?

I was terrified to join worship band... I was, dare I say it, scared stiff. It was pretty much my worst fear to get out in front of everyone and sing. My worst fear. If God has called you to do something that you're afraid of, do not lose the opportunity to worship Him and exalt Him and change lives in His glory... jump in headfirst! Do not be afraid, for God will walk beside you every step of the way. Pray for Him to shake up your world, and pray that He would help give you a courageous heart.

"Be strong. Take courage. Don't be intimidated. Don't give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He's right there with you. He won't let you down; he won't leave you." Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and take courage, for God knows the plans He has for you, and He won't let you down or leave you. If you ever feel like God is leading you towards something you're scared stiff to do, all the more reason why you should do it. Be strong and courageous, be strong and courageous, be strong and courageous.

P.S. I thought I would tell you that in the end, I ended up singing for worship band, and it was the best choice of my entire life, and it was a joy, to get to serve the Lord through song. Praise Jesus!

Crushing, Yelling, Forgetting

Sundays. They are some of my favorite days that house my most dear memories. Now that I really look back on it, my most special memories happened on a Sunday. Isn't it funny how those things work? Yet, while Sundays are fun, sometimes they are also incredibly crazy, whether it be good or bad crazy.

Allow me to paint my Sunday life for you. It consists of me waking up early Sunday morning and rolling out of bed to prepare myself for church. I then walk to the bathroom and spend the majority of my morning getting ready for church with my dear sweet sister. Everything is going great...until it comes time for us to leave. Suddenly the house is a wreck, someone can't find their shoes, we can't find the keys and oh goodness does somebody need to brush their teeth! And hence, the yelling. Me and my lovely siblings spend our Sunday morning arguing and yelling at each other. That, is my first example of my lack of self control. I could be patient and wake up earlier to prevent the stress and arguing and yelling, but I don't. I will admit right now that I fail God when leaving to worship Him. Do you struggle with that too? Well then don't worry, because you are not alone.

My second form of my lack of self control is my crushing. As humans, we are drawn to each other. I've listened for hours to my friends talking about the guys that they like and how cool they are. I've also been there to give my guy friends girl advice when they most needed it. And I have a crush too, just like everyone else. I have to say that I do lack quite a bit of self control in this area. Can I explain to you how hard it is for girls to have self control when it comes to boys? Hard...hard is an understatement! It's hard not to jump to conclusions about them liking you if they tease you or talk to you or seek you out. It is crazy hard! One of my best guy friends once said: "you girls can be a little crazy sometimes. If a guy says hi to you, you think he likes you!" While I pridefully told him that wasn't true, in a way, it is true. It takes the strength of 10,000 men for me to not jump to conclusions about a guy. Sometimes I can fight it, but other times, I lack self control when he says hi or something silly like that. I perfectly understand that God has a really fantastic man out there for me to marry, and even with knowing this, I still lack self control in this department. A woman of God lacking self control? Yes, ask any other woman and they will tell you they lack or have lacked it in this area too!

My last form of my diminishing self control is with God. I have to tell you that sometimes I lack quite a bit in self control in my relationship with our  Father. I try to be obedient to Him, but I lose my self control and go off to do other things. Instead of reading my Bible like I should, I read a different book. Instead of praying, I go talk to one of my friends. Instead of worshipping God, I sit around and listen to country music. I know what I should be doing, but I don't utilize my self control like I should. I sit back and let it happen.

I know we all sin this way. I hear it from my friends and parents and I see it in movies and read it in books. While the world looks at self control as remaining proper or choosing to stay calm in a stressful situation (and those too are good things), I believe that it is our duties as Christians to look at it a little differently, on a more spiritual level. A verse in the Bible says:

"Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour." Matthew 26:41

Did you read that? When we are lacking in self control, the devil takes the opportunity to try and tear us apart. I can tell you right now how easy it is to fall into bad things when not be patient, falling for or dating someone or especially in our relationship with God. Yes, I understand how that person didn't listen and how they deserved to get yelled at. Yes, I understand how cute he/she is and how much attention they shower you with. Yes, I understand how tired you are and the long day you had and how you don't have time to read your Bible or pray. But I'm here to tell you to GET A GRIP! Don't yell, but offer up a kind patient word. Don't get distracted and flirty with a person that might not even be your spouse. And whatever you do, don't you dare skip out on time with God.

So put up your shield and stand your ground, because I know you have the self control of 10,000 angels when you are walking with God.

Fighting for Faithfulness

Today I feel epic. Today is a drink-butterbeer-watch-Harry-Potter-and-Hunger-Games-and-listen-to-the-Lord-of-the-Rings-soundtrack type of day. Today is a pretend you're a hero type of day. Today, is a fighting type day. The most epic of moments happen near the end of a great battle, where everything seems to be spiraling downward. Watch this clip so you understand just how epic fighting really is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrXqQjJPcqQ

That clip right there is from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. It is probably one of my favorite clips in the entire movie, and it shows the perfect fight - fear, but confidence, strength and the last thread of light weaving its way through the darkness. Today, I feel like a fighter, but not the type of fighter that rides upon a horse and charges Orcs. The type of fighter that fights for something on a more spiritual level.

Faithfulness was the second to last Fruit of the Spirit I learned about as an itty, bitty girl. I feel bad for my poor Sunday school teachers, whom had to teach me and the rest of my friends what faithfulness was. How exactly, does one explain faithfulness to a group of first or second graders? Mercy me, I do not know how they accomplished it. But, I remember it all the same. Faithfulness was similar to obedience; it was like making a promise and following it through - like if we said we were going to clean our room, we had to remain faithful and actually do it, instead of just saying that we'd do it. Faithfulness was being loyal, like how our dogs always loved us no matter what. At least, that's what I remember it as.

Faithfulness has changed. Or, rather, I have changed and my view of faithfulness too has changed. I no longer see it as just cleaning my room or being like a dog. I see it as being loyal and steadfast and constant. Just the other day my dad and I were having a conversation about faithfulness and we both agreed that faithfulness wasn't just meant for married couples being faithful towards each other. Faithfulness could be applied to God, in every single way.

For example, I went through a really hard time for a couple of years. God wasn't saying much - in fact, He wasn't saying anything. I hated praying to Him, because it felt like praying to a wall. I hated reading my Bible, because it seemed empty and lifeless in my hands. I hated going to youth group, because I felt as if it was blah blah words being thrown at me while I tried to dodge them. Everything felt stupid all of a sudden. But want to know where this story gets really sad? I wasn't being faithful to God. I was too busy being distracted by boys and friends and life, for that matter. I was too busy focusing on those things, that I wasn't being faithful to God. I was cheating on Him...the being that laid down their life for me...and I was cheating on Him. I was cheating on the Creator of the Universe...the Father of my life...the person that would wipe my slate clean after I had stained it red with sin. I was being faithless.

I can't imagine cheating on my husband for another man...so why on earth did I try and cheat on God with satan? Satan is a poop... he's a poop like Sauron is a poop. And you want to know who I am? I am Boromir. I am sinful and selfish and faithless a lot of the time, just like Boromir was. I have a feeling a lot of us are Boromirs. But...do you want to know what the best thing about Boromir is? In the end, Boromir lays down his life to protect the Ring and the other Hobbits. In the end, Boromir realizes his mistake and becomes faithful once again!

I think our stories are a lot like that. I think we are the Boromir's of our lives and God is the Gandalf. I think we spend a lot of our time getting distracted by things of this world, instead of things not of this world. I know for a fact that a lot of us spend our days sinning, and eventually, we realize we need to stop being pushed around, so we fight back. We fight back like Boromir, taking arrows to the chest but still standing strong to protect what we know is right. Eventually we wander back to faithfulness because we are reminded why we are here - for the Lord's purpose. I guess what I'm trying to say is, stop trying to get the Ring (sin), turn around and fight for faithfulness.

But you, the ones who held tight to God, your God, are alive and well, every one of you, today. - Deuteronomy 4:4

The Goodest Good You Are Ever Gonna Get

Sometimes I feel as if I just cannot help but be easily agitated and short. I often feel as if I'm over-mature, so when I get to the time when I am sitting around at Starbucks with my two best guy friends trying to study, I just cannot help but get upset at them for no reason, or at least stupid reasons. Perhaps it's the fact that they're not studying as much as they could be. Perhaps it's the fact that they are laughing and it's obnoxious and I invited them there to study. Or perhaps it's because they are sitting too close or being too loud or just being too annoying. Don't get me wrong, I love those guys more than anything; they're my best buds, and best buds - brothers - stick together through thick and thin. It's easy for me to say that even when they annoy me or drive me crazy, I still love 'em all the same. Yet, I just cannot help myself at being easily annoyed with them at points and times.

Let me paint a picture for you: I sit with my laptop to my left, my psychology textbooks open to my right and my notebook full of psych notes in front of me. I have my assortment of colored pens close-by, so I can color coat away. My warm caramel bruleé latte is right in front of me so that I may admire the gorgeousness of the cup and the delicious smell. Everything is going good, until all hell breaks loose that is. It starts with one of my guy friends plopping himself down beside me. He is loud and throws his backpack on the ground and instantly my whole atmosphere is thrown off. He is sitting too close, he is being too noisy, he is throwing off my studying groove. Until he had arrived, my other guy friend and I had been a little talkative, but quiet and scholarly. That's when things start to really get interesting. Because there are now two guys around versus one, they begin to interact. They laugh loudly, joke around and when I just want one moment to watch a movie trailer, they keep peering over at me and crowding me. So, guess what my dear, sweet sinful self does? I lose it. I say angrily: "Could you please mind your own business and stop looking at my things? Perhaps you could study and actually do something instead of just sitting around." I scoot my chair farther away from him, wanting as much space to breathe as possible. I never apologize, but as the day goes on, I feel the sinking feeling in my stomach that I have done something horribly wrong. As you can see, I had no ounce of goodness in me in that moment.

Goodness was the sixth Fruit of the Spirit that I learned about. The Sunday school teachers explained to us that goodness was being nice to others and generous. For example, if we had two cookies we could share one. Or if we saw a new person we could play with them and introduce ourselves. To kids, goodness didn't really seem all that hard. I mean, it wasn't too hard to make a new friend...but sharing cookies was a whole different story. But nowadays for me, goodness is buying a coworker a coffee for no reason. Goodness is being kind to people that sometimes annoy you. Goodness is offering to help buy somebody lunch because they don't have enough money. Goodness is welcoming a new person at church. Has goodness changed for you too?

The dictionary says that goodness means to be kind or generous; having virtue. I believe that that is a fair description of goodness. If I had reacted to the Starbucks situation with the dictionary's version of goodness, maybe I would've apologized or not said anything at all. But...sometimes the dictionary's ways are not the Godly ways. The Bible says:

"As we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6:10

What the Bible is saying about goodness, is that we should always be good. The Bible depicts goodness as serving others and serving the Lord. While the Bible gives actions, the dictionary just gives petty words. We are to do good to all people, especially those who belong to the family of believers - other Christians. My sin in my Starbucks situation was being rude to my fellow brothers in Christ, even though I should do good to them because they belong to the family of believers. If I had applied that concept to my situation, I might've said something like: "It's nice to have you here. I'm glad you could come study with us. How's school going?" I would've been nice and kind and gently urged them into studying instead of just snapping at them. I would've been generous and asked them if there was anything I could help them with, instead of telling them to do something besides sit around. I was, unfortunately (that darn devil gets ya every time...), sinful and very un-good.

Sometimes it is really hard to be good. It's crazy hard. It's especially hard to be good to people who annoy you - I mean, why should I have to be generous and allow someone to sit at my table and save them a seat when I know they will just be annoying? Well... I should be good because it's what God calls me to do. I love my guy friends, so I should be good to them instead of harsh or rude, because being harsh and rude is poison of the devil. I can't also help but feel that sometimes I get tired of doing good too. You know, sometimes I don't really feel like being good all the time, too. It's exhausting being nice to people who wear my patience thin. It's expensive to buy people coffee sometimes. And sometimes, it's emotionally vexing to sit and talk to people that agitate me. But Galatians says:

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

You know what God's saying? He's saying that even when I feel like I don't want to be good, I should do good anyway. He's saying that I should not be lazy in His presence, because you know what? God blesses those who do good, and if we do good, we will reap a harvest. We must not give up being kind and generous, no matter how hard it is. You also know what else? God is always good to us, and we should follow His example and always be good to others. We shouldn't allow ourselves to be like satan and be lazy with goodness, because God wasn't lazy when He laid down His life for us.

 My challenge to you is to share your little cup of goodness. Bake cookies for someone you dislike; buy coffee for a friend; use kind, virtuous words instead of harsh ones; do not become lazy in doing good. After all, the harvest we will one day reap is heaven, and I would feel rather tragic if I found out after all that I had spent more time agitated, annoyed, being lazy and not good than spending all my time being generous and good. Wouldn't you?

And What If I'm Not Feeling Very Kind?

I am defiant. I am rather morose. I don't really like talking to people, though I have a lot to say. It's easier for me to be straight forward and blunt about things than to beat kindly around the bush. You know, sometimes it's just hard to be kind over all. I mean, really, it's hard to be kind to that person who cut me off while driving, the annoying teenage boy that seems incompetent, the rude girl across the room - really, there are endless things I don't really want to be kind to. You know what? Some things don't really deserve my kindness at all - not even a teeny tiny bit. Because I will be kind, when I want to be kind, right? Because you know what? I'm not feeling very kind today - or a lot of days - or every day when I'm not being the nicest of people. I am justified to not be kind to unkind people, right? Actually... wrong.

Kindness was the fifth Fruit of the Spirit I learned about as a Sunday school student. To a kid, I mean, really what is kindness? Well, let me tell you. Kindness was sharing a cookie with someone else; kindness was being nice to the kid at the play ground that stole the swing you had wanted; kindness was - dare I say it - letting someone else have the last Oreo in the cookie jar. And while my version of child-like kindness may have been very right, it isn't very right nowadays. Because kindness doesn't stay in the same form as sharing cookies or giving away Oreos or letting someone else have a swing. Kindness has kind of changed for me, and for everyone else that is growing up too. Now, for me, kindness is not honking my horn when someone pulls out in front of me; offering to buy someone a coffee when I'm really not feeling like it; offering to take my siblings places even when I really don't want to and it costs gas money. And you know what? A lot of the time I do those things, I don't feel very kind while doing them, nor do I really want to do them.

The dictionary says that kindness means the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. I would agree with what the dictionary says, because kindness is the mere essence of generosity, consideration and being friendly. And while I love the dictionary, I can't help but notice how bland it seems. Really, is that all kindness truly is? If so, how boring and simple! Kindness cannot surely be just that! So, on the journey for kindness I went, traveling through the Bible's pages. And do you know what I found, dear reader? Something more than just a silly definition. I found true kindness.

Kindness is forgiving one another and having a tender heart (Ephesians 4:32). Kindness is forgiving your enemies and doing good to them and expecting nothing from them in return because God is kind to the ungrateful and the evil (Luke 6:35). Kindness is blessing stupid people (1 Peter 3:9). In other words... kindness is forgiving the dumb girl that spread a rumor about you; kindness is heaping hot coals of Jesus onto people by being nice instead of rude. Kindness is smiling at the person that makes you so angry you want to beat yourself over the head. Kindness is blessing that ever-so-moronic driver that cut you off.

In short, kindness is being like God. I mean, God is still kind to us even though we curse Him, don't believe Him, turn our backs on Him and when we're being rather idiotic. Jesus washed the feet of His servants, including Judas', whom would betray him and sell him for a measly amount of silver. To lay down your own pride and wash the feet of someone you know will betray you and sell you out is more kindness than I could muster in a months. He was doing good to His enemies. Our Father is the perfect picture of kindness, and anything less is mundane compared to His holiness.

Being kind is really hard. It's tedious work. It's hard to keep my words straight when people are causing my patience to wear thin and such. Perhaps it's as hard for you as it is me - if it wasn't so hard, I doubt God would have so many verses on being kind. But, God is kind and we should strive to be kind, too. I'm not saying being kind is going to be easy (because it's not and satan likes to try to get in our way), I'm telling you it's going to be worth it. God blesses those who do good unto others. Take a step back from your life and look for kindness, because it might be hiding. Find it and apply it, because God is pretty fantastic when you start applying His Truth to your life.

"So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline." Colossians 3:12

But Why Can't I Just Have It All Now?!

The water for my tea really can't heat up fast enough. Minutes of waiting for water to brew my tea? It's an eternity. I walk around the kitchen, look at my surroundings, dance on my toes - this can't possibly go any slower. I walk to the other room, searching for my book. I find it, only to misplace it and then have to go searching for it once again. Still, the water on the old stove of the beach house I'm staying in hasn't heated up. I find my book (at last!) and still the water isn't ready to be poured for my tea. Why oh why water are you not ready?! I twirl around the room, looking for a good place to sit and read my book. I find the clearest area of counter space (when there are four children and four adults in one house, a kitchen can get pretty messy) and sit down, delving into the book. I read five pages and still the water isn't ready. This infernal water should be heated, I think, why is it so slow?! I may die of the agony of having to be patient for one more second! Finally the kettle begins to whistle, and I slide (careen) off the counter, practically launching myself at the kettle. I yank it off the stove and pour the water into my mug, nearly squirming with anticipation. The tea, is now mine! As you can see, the word "patience" hardly exists in my vocabulary. If I can't be patient with my tea...doesn't that mean I can't be patient with other things? Sometimes, I think so. What about you? Is patient in your vocabulary, or is it like mine, and somehow patience seems to magically disappear when you most need it?

Patience was the second fruit of the spirit that I learned as a child. According to my parents, patience was when I wanted a cookie but I had to sit and wait till they were finished being baked in the oven. Patience was waiting for my friend to come over. Patience was waiting for Christmas, because a week seemed like an eternity! As a young girl, learning about what patience was, I was starting to think that it was just out there to annoy me. Now, as a young woman, I think differently.

I cannot explain to you how much it is my dream to get married and have a bunch of babies. If it were up to me, I would be married right now. I know there's a great guy out there that will one day be my husband, but I can't help but not want him to be my husband right now. If you already can't tell, I am not patiently waiting to be married and start my own family. Yes, I know I'm only sixteen and the possibility is at least two or three years away, but a girl can want and a girl can dream and a girl can be seriously impatient. But...I wish that I could be married now. I wish I didn't have to wait and be patient, because patience seems like a mood dampener. Honestly, patience makes me made and upset and kind of angry, because I want everything now, instead of when the Lord wants it.

Sometimes I just want to look at the Lord and go: "Yo, bro, speed it up a little, will ya?" I just can't help but be impatient about everything. I used to hound over things that I wanted sooner rather than later, but I've come to acquire some miniscule amount of wisdom: things don't come when I want them to come, they come when God wants them to come. So while I may want a husband and a family now (or a nice cup of tea in a timely manner...), I can't have those things now because it will all happen in God's time. It makes me feel a little sad that I would demand the Creator of the Universe to speed up His timing - how demeaning I am! A great verse says:

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." Ecclesiastes 7:8

Despite knowing that God is all that and a whole warehouse of Pringles, I can't help but want to shake Him and scream: "But why can't I just have it all now?! Why do I have to wait?!" And that screaming then leads to some very serious conversations between me and God, which mostly consist of be telling God why I should get something now and that I deserve it. Who am I to be so prideful that I think I can boss Jesus around? Patience is better than pride, and as I look through my daily life, my life is full of impatience.

I'm not going to say patience is easy, because that would be a lie. Patience is so hard it hurts all over and aches in your bones as if you were stuck in time. While patience may be tedious, it's beautiful. Want to know why? Because God has patience with us. We make mistakes, take time to learn our lessons, forget things easily and sin often. How much patience it must take with us petty, sinful creatures. Yet even though we may be difficult, the Lord still somehow exudes the most beautiful amount of patience. So don't be prideful and bossy, be patient and careful, because God knows the plans He has for you (Jeremiah 29:11) and why on earth would we want to interfere with something as breathtaking and beautiful as that?

Now sit down, pull out your Bible, fold your hands together, read and pray. The thing I learned about being patient in the Holy Spirit, is that the best way to pass the time is talking to the One who is changing your life and teaching you the patience you are to exude, too.